serving_love | (no subject)

Well. It's nice that you tried.

That is a loaded half of a question. ...For long a time. How long have I known? Since September, I think.

Nice. Right.

If you've known since September, then why'd you wait to tell her?

What else am I supposed to say? I'm glad that you care about her. She deserves that.

She had a boyfriend, Sanji. And...I've never exactly felt this way before. I didn't know if it was wise to tell her. Besides, why tell her and risk our friendship, especially not knowing how she felt about me in return? Not to mention the fact that she deserves someone normal. There were a lot of reasons.

I wasn't feeling particularly nice during the conversation, that's all. It was an exercise in self-restraint.

Yeah, and most of those reasons still apply, so what the hell is up with your timing?? You hold your tongue for two months and then wait until they FINALLY move forward in their relationship to tell her - what part of that seemed like a good idea to you?

You're not upset with her, are you?

Not a single part of it seemed like a good idea. Ace told me I should. I should have known better than to listen to him. And when I told her, it was mostly by accident.

No. No, it’s not her fault. It’s not yours, either, it’s just a shitty situation all around. ...And it’d be a whole lot different if the boyfriend wasn’t Usopp.

Fuck, I dunno, I guess it’s not fair to say you should’ve kept it to yourself. It just...feels like she has to chose now, and no matter what someone’s gonna get hurt. And...I don’t want it to be you. But. I also...do. You get it, right?

...Most of all I don’t want it to be her, though. And that’s pretty fucking unavoidable at this point.

I never asked her to choose. I wouldn't. Usopp makes her happy.

...I wish that I could make her happy too. But I doubt Usopp would ever agree to that. I don't understand people.

I know you didn't, but she doesn't want to hurt YOU either, so...

You do make her happy. It's just a different kind of happy. You're her best friend. Some people are just...only meant to have one other person who's more than that, but you can ALWAYS be her friend.

...I know she wants to have both of us. She told me. I don't think anyone can say that anyone else is meant to have anything.

...I more meant Usopp. I don't think he'd get it. Sharing or not being...exclusive or whatever.

...I know.

I don't understand it.

Can't help you there. I mean - if you had George-san, would YOU want anyone else?

Well, yes. Of course. But I wouldn't need anyone else.

It's just...jealousy. It's all just jealousy and possessiveness. I don't understand.

Well maybe that's it, then. Maybe people always have wants, they just learn to ignore them when they find that one person who's worth it.

But why ignore it? I don't understand. Almost no one is designed for monogamy, and yet almost everyone expects it. Why?

Rules of society, maybe? I don't know.

...On a completely random note, I'm apparently arguing with Zoro over whether or not you're more attractive than Mihawk. What the hell.

We're pirates. It's ridiculous.

...I think I win. His eyes are bizarre. I wouldn't say no, but...

Hold on, does he think I'm attractive at all but less so than Mihawk, or not at all?

You don't have to tell ME that. But apparently we're a different brand of pirates. You could always try talking to Usopp and see if he'd mind. Possibly. Maybe. I mean, he might punch you, but it could be worth a shot.

See, that's what I said. Also, his beard is retarded. I'd say no.

...I can't tell. He seemed sort of offended when I told him there was no competition between the two of you.

Ha. Very funny.

Oh, but would you say yes to me? That's the real question.

I would be offended if you claimed that I had poor taste, too. He seems reluctant to say whether he finds me attractive, but I think that's because he's angry at me. At least I know he likes men...

It'd take the matter out of George-san's hands, anyway. Cut out the middleman and all that.

Mm, you'd have to actually ask before I gave you any sort of answer to that.

...Er. Shit - you knew that BEFORE I said anything, right? He did say it was still difficult for him to separate Enies Lobby you from now you.

I'm not sure I want to do that, though.

Would I, now? Hmm.

No one told me, but I could tell. ...That might make things complicated. But he's been a surprisingly good sport about it.

George-san probably wouldn't appreciate it, I guess. I don't know what to tell you, man.

You would. It's fucking been awhile, so I think the answer would surprise even me.

Seriously? I couldn't. Damn. Anyway, I told him about how it took me months to even bother saying "hi" to you. He said you've definitely changed - at least he's trying.

I know. Thank you for not being irrational, at any rate.

...You shouldn't say things like that if you don't mean it. But if you do mean it...

I'm good at that sort of thing. It's nice to see that he doesn't immediately hate me, anyway.

You can't help what you feel. Your actions are another story, but not your emotions.

Four months, four weeks, one day. I mean it.

He knows you're nakama. And that the rest of us trust you.

Hm.

...Before I ask you that, then, I want to ask you something else. Why has it been awhile? We were at a populated island not long ago and I can't see it being too difficult for you to find a woman if you really wanted to. Unless I'm wrong.

Well, good. That's one obstacle overcome.

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