serving_love | (no subject)

Lucky. The big trouble for me is that I don't want anything for Christmas, and for some reason that annoys people. It's as if they think that I'm hiding something in order to make them work harder, when what I really mean is that it's perfectly fine for them not to get me anything.

More than likely. ...I suppose I could just ask.

Yeah, but they want to get you something regardless, so you just become one of those people who's impossible to shop for. You're everybody's worse Christmas nightmare.

That you could.

I'm everybody's worst nightmare every day of the year. Really, though, what am I supposed to do? Will myself into wanting presents? It's...I don't know. It's embarrassing. I don't like it when people give me things. I never know how to act.

Do you have trouble talking to her too, or is it just me?

You just gotta say "thank you", people don't usually except a whole song-and-dance routine to show your joy. Or lack thereof.

Mm...actually talking to her - sometimes. Like half the time I'm near her I'm pulling my typical shit, so you know.

I do. People always think I'm being sarcastic. It's not that I don't appreciate things, it's just that gratitude doesn't really come naturally to me. Well, emotional expression in general doesn't really come naturally to me, come to think of it.

For those of us who actively attempt not to look like idiots while talking to women, it's not so easy.

Well. When I get you whatever it is I'm gonna get you for Christmas and you say thank you in a voice totally devoid of emotion with a look that suggests I just handed you a dead sea king carcass, I'll know that deep down inside you actually truly loved the present.

Hey, there's nothing actively about it and -- I don't look like an idiot!

I'm not that awkward. ...Are dead sea kings bad?

Yes you do. Does that ridiculous flailing routine ever actually work?

...Yes. They smell.

That is for when I'm admiring a woman! I break out the suave and debonair Mr. Prince~ when I'm aiming for a date or more.

Well, I would be offended if you gave me something rotting, but other than that, it sounds like a good gift to me. You would probably have to kill it, wouldn't you? That's not easy. It's a nice thought.

...Mr. Prince.

...What are you, a caveman? Geez, if I was actually going to give you something like that, I'd at least cook it first!

Yep.

That would be even better. And no, I am not a caveman; I just think that a willingness to kill giant, dangerous animals for people is rather nice.

Care to explain what that means?

Yeah, I guess, but - I dare you to give any girl that sort of present.

...It just...means I'm being suave and debonair! And charming. And awesome. And I might be wearing sunglasses.

I can think of a few who'd appreciate it.

I see. Well, you do look good in sunglasses; I'll give you that.

A few people or a few girls? I know Luffy would think it was god's gift to mankind or some shit.

I really do, don't I?

A few girls, specifically. But I'm sure Luffy would be starry-eyed with joy at the prospect of that much meat.

Yes. But I've yet to see you act remotely charming in the presence of a woman.

Like who?

...Hey! I'm charming ALL THE TIME.

I bet Kalifa would, depending on who did it. Any given Amazon. Several girls I went to school with.

You flail.

...Amazons. I’ll keep that in mind. Assuming Luffy ever takes us back to that place, which, knowing my luck, won’t ever fucking happen.

.......Not constantly!!

A word to the wise: All the ones I've met were lesbians.

Often enough.

...That's not necessarily a bad thing. Just need to introduce them to the concept of MEN and there's my heaven all prepared for me~

Whatever. Shut up.

They don't let the naive ones off the island. If you can get on the island, you might have better luck.

♥

They'd let us on. They'd HAVE to. Luffy's been there!!!

...It's so creepy when you do that.

And you can corrupt a lot of innocent women with your manly prowess and get it chopped off when the empress finds out.

I know. ♥

...The sad thing is I don't doubt that for a second and I'm not sure I'm even willing to try and persuade her otherwise. Can't she turn people into stone or something?

Stop.

Yes. Utilizing the blackness of the human heart, apparently. I'm under the impression that lust is a form of heart blackness.

♥ ♥ ♥

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