serving_love | (no subject)

Indeed... I'm drinking with Zoro, you wanna join for a bit?

That would be nice, if he doesn't mind.

I doubt he will, but I can check.

You know, I actually told him earlier today I didn't want to sleep with you. Ironic.

Ha. Did you mean it?

Evidently not. Call it flustered denial.

I'm glad you came to your senses, then.

Mm. Zoro says it's fine, by the way.

He also said you propositioned him.

...That was why I thought he might be hesitant.

I did, yes. It was before you talked to me, he said no, I backed down, the matter is closed. I never would have assumed I would have a chance with you simply because I thought you were entirely straight, or I would have approached you in a similar fashion long ago. I don't know if that makes things better or worse or alters matters at all, but that is what happened.

Hey, not like I needed an explanation, just thought it was an interesting piece of news. Though, he did say it was because he didn't know you well enough yet. So you may still have a chance with him. I guess.

...Have you thought about this before?

He did give me that impression. But not for a long time, I assume.

Yes. Admittedly, on occasion, in graphic detail.

Probably not, nope. Darn. You disappointed?

Ah... Shit, I don't know when the entirely straight thing changed, just that lately -- well. Fuck, whatever, that's totally hot. Is it shower time yet?

...Not particularly. I'm still interested, mind you, but...well.

That's the spirit. And I don't know if it is, but it needs to be if it isn't already.

Got something else going on to take your mind off it, huh?

I'm thinking it is.

Oh yes, I think I'm thoroughly preoccupied.

Excellent. Shall I meet you there?

Lucky you.

Yessir, be there in five.

Lucky me is right.

See you there.

Hey, dumb question, but - you won't...tell anyone. Right?

That is a dumb question. You know me. I'll be there in two minutes.

...Yeah, you're right. Alright, on my way.

Hey. Got another question.

Did everything just suddenly go to complete shit, or is that just me?

It's not just you.

...You should probably know that I told George, but in my defense, it was A) a complete accident and B) before you asked me not to tell anyone.

...Yeah, figured that one out. Guess it doesn't matter, Usopp had me pegged in like five minutes anyway. Geez. That's just...typical, not like anything on this ship stays quiet for long. And then somehow we were talking about it in like twenty different places, half of which were in Zoro's goddamn journal, so I might've let that slip, too. And now HE'S being weird, and George-san is still upset about the other thing, which Usopp has now picked up on, by the way. So he's wondering what's up, and he's probably upset that she's upset and just - what the fucking hell?!

...Part of me wants to tell everyone to just stop it and try to be happy with what they have and with what everyone else has, because that's what I'm trying to do and it's almost working, so why isn't that good enough for them? And the other part wants to...I don't know. Feel guilty and wish that things were less complicated, I suppose. There isn't anything I can actually do.

I'd go with that first part. Life's always fucking complicated, that's just how it works. I don't think we did anything wrong - this is this and that is that, and the two situations have nothing to do with each other.

I know. And the fact that she's conflating the two makes me angrier than I probably ought to be. She's acting as though I did it just to upset her or make her jealous, and perhaps she is jealous, but she hasn't any right to be. Honestly...how dare she? Really? How dare she try to make me feel bad for this? And now I have to worry about her because she's developing a drinking problem and I'm sorry, but I don't think I deserve any of this.

...I told Usopp. And I'm lying and giving him the impression that she has no feelings for me in return and is doing this out of guilt. This is pathetic.

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