serving_love | (no subject)

I'm always right. The world would be a much happier place if everyone would realize this.

Really, though - I didn't say it because I'm an elitist who thinks I'm better than you because I'm not on the fast track to emphysema. I said it because it's bad for you and for everyone around you, for a multitude of reasons. Another point you may want to add to that list is that with the possible exceptions of Brooke and George, you're putting everyone on the ship at risk for complications due to secondhand smoke, and I'm positive that no one appreciates that.

Besides, I like your food and if you died I would be quite annoyed.

...I didn't realize secondhand smoke was really a problem.

I'm not going to die, asshole. I think. It's not like I'm SICK or something.

You only love me for my pie, anyway.

You really didn't? Do you ever read?

You think. It's a dangerous habit.

That's not true. I would also miss having someone to complain about unfashionable troglodytes with.

Not about SMOKING. How am I putting everyone at risk??

Well yes. I knew that and Chopper's only tried to drill it into my head about fifty billion times, I just...always ignored it. Until now.

OH, speaking of - Fujiko-san gave me an idea. You know, I've got Usopp's body on hand and it's for once VERY willing to try on new clothes...

How do you not - inhaling cigarette smoke is bad for you, even if you don't do it from an actual cigarette. People die from secondhand smoke, you idiot.

Well, he's right and you should listen to him. He's a doctor, remember?

...I didn't know that she had good ideas.

...I figured it was worse coming straight from the source and it like...blows away by the time I exhale - people DIE?!

I know. I said I ignored him, not that I didn't believe him.

She didn't come up with it, she just mentioned you disliking Usopp's taste in clothes and I figured what better time to give him a makeover than now!

Of course it's worse, but yes, people still die.

I suppose you had to learn eventually.

That is a good idea and one I support wholeheartedly.

So you're saying I'm essentially KILLING my NAKAMA?????

Well maybe I can just...cut back. Or something. When I'm back in my body.

You'll come shopping with me, then?

Well, yes, that is essentially what I'm saying. People choose to live with smokers, and for that it's partly their responsibility; I evaluated your habit as part of my decision to come here and decided that the risk was negligible. And for the most part, it is, but it's still present.

Or you could quit. But it's your decision, of course.

Certainly.

...I don't know if I can quit - I don't know if I WANT to quit. Fuck, the idea of it is like...ridiculously daunting.

I wonder if we're near an island. We need to go before he gets his body back.

They have various medications to help with that.

We should be. Ask Nami, I suppose.

I guess I could...think about it. Hm.

Alright, will do! I'll go find her!

You should.

Let me know. I can't get out the door, or I would look for myself.

...

...

You - seriously? You, too?

...Wait, why do you get to be COOL looking??

AND HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GO SHOPPING IF YOU'RE A FREAKING HORSE.

That's what everyone said. I suppose it's because I'm cool-looking as a human.

I think it may wear off soon. I have no way of knowing this for sure, but I have a feeling.

You're not that cool-looking as a human.

A feeling. Right. Your feeling better be RIGHT.

The laws of unicorn form transferal disagree with you.

Yes. Actually, it occurs to me that if you still have Usopp's body, it may be a bad idea for me to be around you regardless.

The laws of unicorn form transferal are stupid.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're only saying that because you know you would be a yellow pony.

Well, I have this niggling urge to gore and trample virgins.

...I would be a very sexy yellow pony, thanks much.

Except I'm not a-- Oh. Right. Ha.

I'm picturing you as being gangly and surly-looking.

Of course, having not had the opportunity to test it, I've no idea whether unicorn hindbrain reactions apply to virginity as a mental construct or as a perceived physical trait. So you may or may not be safe from my wrath. It depends. Actually, come here, I want to test it.

Shut up. I would be big and buff and beautiful!

...Yeah, alright. I've always wanted to be gored by a huge scary black horse thing.

Like a gay Swedish bodybuilder.

I'm in the hold.

I'm French, asshole. Like a gay FRENCH bodybuilder. Although I'm not sure those exist.

Hahahaha, I'm sorry, you thought I was serious? Remind me to lay the sarcasm on a little thicker next time.