serving_love | (no subject)

Well. ...Look on the bright side, she didn't flat-out say hell no!

Why did you have to say anything like that at all???

Oh my god, it's not a big deal. I was only joking and she took it as such! Stop freaking out.

...Sanjiiii. It's awkward enough just--gfsbfjs

Never mind.

Just what?

...this probably isn't the best time to talk about this stuff.

That just means you're stalling.

...you don't KNOW that! Maybe it just means what I said!

And more stalling. What's awkward?

Oh my god. FINE.

It's just...I think I kind of WANT to. With George. I mean, maybe not YET, but I think about it sometimes. I just--I get so NERVOUS, and I don't know if she would even want to anyway, and it's really hard to--I don't want her to think I'm just a pervert or something, you know??

And then, she says she doesn't want to be--whatever. M-my girlfriend, I guess. She wants to be...I'm not sure. Just friends, I guess? But more than that. ...it's confusing.

Besides, even IF we ever-- ...I'm a little terrified I'd mess it up anyway.

...

Oh, Usopp. Usopp, Usopp, Usopp.

Alright, look - I'm sorry for being so flippant about the whole sex thing. I probably shouldn't be teasing you about it when I know it makes you uncomfortable...even if it IS amusing as hell. Because truth is, it's ALWAYS a big deal. Even for people doing it regularly.

But you have got to calm down. Sex isn't something you're supposed to worry about until all your hair turns gray, man. It's something that's intimate and hot and fun, especially if you're with someone you care about. Everyone's nervous the first time, sure, but you can't let it fucking incapacitate you. If you really want it and if SHE really wants it, then it'll happen and you'll get too caught up in the awesome to keep freaking out. Trust me.

Except that's the thing - if you can't TELL her you want to do it, you aren't ready. You gotta be able to talk about that stuff. And wanting sex doesn't make you a pervert, idiot, it just means you want to be close to George-san on a new level.

...Although I don't really know how that all works if she doesn't want to be your girlfriend or whatever. I mean, it ain't like you're friends with benefits or something, I think you gotta already be to the sex part to qualify for that. Not that you need a label, I guess... But - what the hell, you WANT her to be your girlfriend, right? Have you told her that?? You're the other half of the relationship, you know, there's two people involved. She doesn't get to call all the shots - and yes, I mean that, shut up. But you should probably clear up what the hell you two are to each other before going any further than whatever you're already doing.

Yeaaah, I'm pretty sure I'm NOT ready for anything like that yet. I mean...I'm getting used to kissing her, and that's NICE, but--it's hard not to get nervous. Like, when she wanted me to take my shirt off? That shouldn't be a big deal, right?? But then she was touching my chest, and it was nice--I mean, REALLY nice--but also made me freak out a little.

So part of me is really glad it's not something I have to deal with yet. ...sometimes, though, I really DO think about it. Y-you know.

...ugh, see this will never work! I can't even talk about it with YOU, and it's so awkward and George probably doesn't want to anyway, and it's not like I could really bring it up to her to begin with!

B-besides, you don't know what kind of things I was thinking about! It's DEFINITELY perverted.

...I DO want her to be my girlfriend, though. It's just...the last time I asked her, she was...hm. I think she's just kind of worried, or...scared? She said that the last guy she liked was a jerk. And I know I'm not like him, and I think she knows that too, but I don't want to--

I think there's other stuff, too. I mean...I forget most of the time, but she IS dead. Not that I care! But I think she worries about it. Anyway she was kind of upset when I asked her last time, and I don't want to make her feel bad, so...

...we really DON'T have to talk about this.

I don't mind talking about it. But if you want to stop, we can. Your call.

Nah, that's a big deal. I mean, not in the grand scheme of things, obviously, but each step further you take is gonna feel like a big deal as it happens. It's your first time, not even just with her but with the whole thing, so it should feel that way! But again, there's nervous and then there's scared shitless. You want the former. And even then, you want to be comfortable with her even WHILE you're nervous. Basically, you want to trust her. And she should trust you.

...Well what kind of things are you thinking about, then? Now I'm curious.

Okay, I don't get it. What's the difference? It's pretty obvious you both like each other and you kiss and sleep in your fort thing together and you've apparently gone topless - nice, by the way - so what's gonna change if you give your relationship a new name? It's too late, you're already invested, you wouldn't be able to break it off without stepping all over each other's feelings now even if you wanted to. The way I see it, you've gotten pretty far into the dating game already without realizing it. Anyway, she should know by now you're not going to hurt her, and...well, being her boyfriend doesn't mean you're getting married, so that whole...dead thing...I can see how it's hard to ignore, but. I wouldn't worry TOO much about it yet.

Seriously, you should bring it up again. Maybe her reaction will surprise you!

I don't MIND exactly. ...it's kind of a relief to talk about it to someone, actually. It's just...awkward.

I guess. And I DO trust, her, really! Maybe more because we were just friends first, you know? And I'm glad we started out like that, but it kind of makes it harder too. In some ways. Know what I mean?

Hm. Did you go through all this stuff with Zoro too?

.....uh! Just...STUFF. dlbafkfx

I don't know! I suppose we pretty much ARE more than just friends now, huh? But I don't really know if we're DATING though. Does--is that what it seems like to you?? ...hm.

W-wait. What part are you talking about now? I mean...bring up WHAT to her?

You and awkward. Plow through it, man.

Yeah, I get that. It helps when you already have at least SOME sort of a comfort zone with each other. But then when you try to go beyond that I feel like you second-guess yourself more. Just gotta remind yourself not to.

Shit, obviously. Like tenfold. The whole...you know - fuck, this is another GUY thing. That alone was...a very, very big deal. For me. And then the fact that he's an idiot who somehow ended up being my first REAL relationship...yeah. I went through all that stuff.

Stuff, huh. Come on, I wanna know what your version of perverted is!!

I guess dating, like in the actual sense of going on dates, is kind of difficult to do when you're on a ship, but I definitely think you've got more going on than you seem to think you do.

The relationship bit. Not sex, if that's what you were thinking.

What can I say? I'm not a fan.

Yeah, exactly! Plus...I REALLY don't know what I'm doing with all this stuff. I mean, she's the first person I really kissed or anything. Which brings us back to that whole NERVOUS thing.

Sanji! Don't make me SAY, jeez!

....but it's probably NOT as bad as anything you're thinking, anyway. I don't think? jdsahfjd

Hm. Well, we hang out and do stuff together a lot. That's...KIND of like a date. I mean, yeah, we're friends, but she says she likes me too, and she KNOWS I like her, and...I'd like it if she said she wanted to be...my girlfriend, I guess. Hm. ...maybe I should just, um. Ask her out on a real date. That might be kind of nice, right? And then if she wants to, I can talk to her about the...girlfriend stuff again.

O-okay. Just making sure.

Does the nervousness have anything to do with the fact that she HAS done this stuff before? Or would you still be this spastic if it was her first time with everything, too?

Honestly, I'm not thinking anything. Mostly because I don't know WHAT to think. If sex itself is this taboo, then for all I know kinky for you could be doing it anywhere other than a bed.

That's a really good idea, actually. She'd probably appreciate doing something OFF the ship for once, bet you guys would have fun! I say go for it.

Wellll. Yeah. I mean, it sure doesn't HELP. What if she gets sick of me not knowing what I'm doing??

...

Yeah? Hm. How long are we supposed to be on this island? Because...I don't want to have a date when I look like this, so it'll have to be after we change back.

She's more likely to find it endearing. If you keep WORRYING, she might get sick of that.

Heh. Is that an offended "..." or a 'shit, he figured me out!' "..."?

I'll ask Nami-san, but I don't think ANYONE will argue against staying for awhile. We been at sea for fucking ages this stretch, it feels like.

Endearing? You think so? ...just telling someone to stop worrying doesn't really help much, though. Believe me, if I could just STOP, I WOULD.

...it was a 'none of your business' "..."

A few days at least would be nice, right? Though...huh. I bet that means George will be busy. At least for a while. I kinda forgot about that.

Maybe. It's possible, anyway. And yeah, I know, but how am I supposed to get your confidence up? You gotta work that part out on your own, because unless you want a bedside coach telling you what moves to make - which is just awkward for everyone involved, believe me - nothing else I say is gonna do any good. You just gotta get more comfortable with what you're doing and have some faith in yourself, but that's between you and George-san to figure out.

Damn. You're no fun.

...Oh yeah. I always forget about that, too. Well. After she gets all that out of the way, I guess. Then you could try?

I don't expect YOU to--

...a bedside--? NO.

Look, I GET that I'm the one who has to get comfortable with it and that no one else can really help me do that. It's just...talking about it helps, I guess. Even if I'm just complaining o-or...whining, or WHATEVER.

...on second thought, you wouldn't even think it was interesting, I'm sure. So it's not like you're missing out.

Yeah. I-I asked her, though.

...Oh. I wasn't sure if it was actually helping or if you just didn't know how to tell me to shut up. Good, then! Glad to be the person you can whine to.

I'd find it interesting. I'd be totally enthralled, promise!

You did?? Damn, that was quick. Good for you!

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