serving_love | (no subject)

Hm. Well regardless, there’s no denying he was really important to you. And he probably WAS the first person you had feelings like that for, which was a huge step forward.

True. Of course, that does little to make me not feel like an idiot about it, but yes, you're right.

You probably should anyway. It's Luffy. You wanna talk about orgies and people to invite, he is NOT on the list.

No. No, he most certainly is not. That has "bad idea" written all over it in permanent ink. Besides, I'm not entirely sure he has a sex drive at all.

Yeah...I really prefer not thinking about that at all.

I don't know. I've never had sex with someone as strong as me. It would probably be amazing if it were someone who had any idea what they were doing.

Well if flexibility is your thing—gah. No, STILL DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I think we've demonstrated that I like flexibility in a person.

...But no, I can't imagine it being anything but awkward and possibly painful, and I couldn't even at the time.

...Yeah, extremely awkward. We need a topic change.

Zoro just realized it was you I was talking to. About the sleeping-with-more-than-one-person-at-the-same-time thing. You think that'll go over badly?

It depends on how you frame it, I suppose.

Hn. I need to like...create a new Zoro-filter for the shit that comes out of my mouth. Or...hands. When typing. Whatever. I swear, I keep digging myself so many holes with him. And then instead of fixing anything, I just make them deeper. I'm like a goddamn dog trying to find a bone that was never actually buried.

Maybe you just like to make him angry.

...Not angry, that ain't the right word.

I kissed him on New Year's Eve. Did I tell you that?

Maybe you're trying to find a way to get around his guard. He won't let you in yet because you haven't earned it, but you can't figure out what you need to do to earn it, or if you even really want to. Or I'm completely off base and speaking nonsense. Take your pick.

No, you didn't. How did that go over?

I want to earn it, I just... I feel like the best way to do that is to do what I said I'd do when all of this started and give him some fucking time. And not push anything. But you know, I told Usopp to give George time and she told him to give her time and look how well that turned out. No offense. And Zoro said he's trying to forget how he feels and that... I mean, he also said it's not working, but that he's even TRYING just. Fucking sucks. I don't know. I'm getting all thrown off, I don't what to do or what to say and it's pissing me off because of all fucking people, I don't want to feel like I have to walk on tiptoes around him.

Fine, I guess, but I shouldn't have done it. I told him you were supposed to kiss someone you care about. So he kissed me back.

...I wish I knew what to tell you. Frankly, the whole thing confuses me.

Well, that certainly clears matters up.

...Great, thanks.

Well George told him later there's that whole thing about how whatever you're doing at New Years is what you want to be doing all year or whatever. Which I left out. When explaining myself. But then that didn't really matter, because that wasn't his intent when he kissed me back anyway.

Look, I wish I could be half as helpful as you are, but the fact is that I'm just not. I'm sorry. All I can tell you is that if you don't want to throw it away, don't. If you think it's worth it, you can find a way in. Keep trying. That, or admit that it's not want you want and let it go.

Perhaps not. But he did kiss back.

Well fuck, next time you pitch a fit about me not coming to you with shit, now you know why. And stop with the..."do you even really want this" stuff, where is THAT coming from? I'm not throwing anything away, I'm just trying to figure out what to do. And also starting to wonder if I should start...mentally preparing myself for when he really tells me to fuck off.

That's what George said.

When did I pitch a fit? ...You're right, though; I am bad at this. I tried. And I'm not saying that you don't want it, I'm just saying that if you really do, perhaps you need to...try harder. Somehow.

...You could talk to Reborn.

When you were being all melodramatic about everything ever. Because for once I didn't want to talk about your problems and you said something along the lines of "why do you even talk to me at all?". And try harder to what. Leave him alone like I was supposed to? Make him want me? I fucking twisted myself up to look like a goddamn pretzel because I knew it'd get to him.

What, why?

Right, yes, I'm hopelessly histrionic. Fine. ...I really don't know, though. If that didn't get him to jump you, I can't say what would.

He always gives me good advice.

...He has way too much self-control. Although there was the falling over part. That pretty much made it worth it. Fuck, I dunno, it's like...whatever I felt before just. Exploded. Did that happen for you? With George? Like, as soon as you know that possibility's there...and then that you can't have it. You just want it more. Which makes everything worse. Goddamn.

I feel like that would be awkward. Talking to him about this.

Yes, that's pretty much exactly what happened.

It might, but...well, I think talking to him must be like the way people in Water 7 would tell Blueno everything about themselves. He listens, rarely says much, and never talks about himself. I don't know a thing about him except that he almost certainly won't use what I say against me.

No wonder you were so miserable all the time.

...If he rarely says much, then what good is it gonna do me? I just spilled my guts to you, I'm not likely to do it again anytime soon.

Re: [Private] SORRY, replied in the wrong place >.>

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