serving_love | (no subject)

That's a girl thing, isn't it? They're complicated. And I guess...undead girls aren't any different. They just have even more complications.

Hm. Maybe it wasn't really anything to do with you and she was just projecting her uncomfortableness with Usopp being a girl?

...Well yeah.

Mm. I wish she would just talk to me if something's wrong. She usually does, but sometimes...

Maybe. I hope. I don't know what I'm supposed to do if she doesn't like something about the way I am. I can't change it, and I wouldn't want to.

He was saying that people didn't realize he'd changed back.

Did you tell her that?

Well. I mean, it's not like she didn't know all that before she got into anything with you. So...it's kind of late now to let it start bothering her. ...Actually, that's not really fair of me to say. Considering. Hmm.

I noticed. I just...didn't comment on it right away.

Once. Perhaps it bears repeating.

...Isn't it?

I suppose he didn't look that different anyway.

Maybe. You never know, it could help!

I dunno. I guess it's not exactly the same but—okay, well. Usopp said something awhile back wondering if the way I acted around girls and all that bothered Zoro. So I asked him, and he pretty much said he wasn't expecting me to change or anything, but no shit he wasn't exactly thrilled that the person he liked was going crazy over other people. So. George knows how you are, and I'm sure she's accepted it and doesn't need you to change, but that doesn't mean she's gonna be happy about it...maybe? Something like that.

He looked different enough.

I suppose I should talk to her.

Ah. I knew she was...not fond of the fact that I'm still attracted to other people, but I didn't think it mattered what kind of person it was.

...I think this is one of those things that would make George upset.

Mmhm.

It was probably just the timing with that part. That you can be so blasé about being with either sex and she...can't. But she was trying to be. Because of Usopp. So maybe she just got frustrated.

...That he looked similar as a girl?

I suppose that makes sense. I said that I can see how it would be jarring, and she pointed out that I probably couldn't, and seemed rather upset with me.

...I think I've just realized - and by just, I mean within the past few hours - that I'm sort of attracted to him. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why, or...why it bothers me that I am.

Again...upset with the situation. But directing it at you. Is my guess.

...To him him?

That does make more sense.

...Well, I wasn't before he was female. And I was while he was female, for obvious reasons. But...yes.

It could be something else entirely, though. Who knows.

...Man, he didn't look that similar. But I thought you found him attractive anyway. You know. With that whole orgy thing.

Stop giving me other options; I'm trying not to overthink it.

He sort of does, though. It occurred to me that the reason he made such an attractive girl was probably that he has a lot of features that are considered pretty on a girl. Anyway, the orgy thing was different. First of all, that wasn't even serious, which meant that I wasn't thinking about it seriously, and second, I don't necessarily have to be physically attracted to someone to want to sleep with them. Or use them pad out numbers for an orgy. And it's not that I want to sleep with him, specifically. Or...I didn't. I don't know. I haven't thought about it much. More importantly, why does this bother me now when I didn't care previously?

Ahah. Right, sorry. It's everything I already said.

......I have no idea. It's not even remotely the same for me, so... I can't relate. And I know that wasn't serious, but still. Figured it said SOMETHING about how you felt. But—look, maybe it's just throwing you off because you're used to viewing him as a friend? That's...what I'd tell a normal person, anyway.

Well, I'm used to viewing you as a friend and there was a point in time when I didn't find you particularly attractive. I suppose that was less abrupt, though.

...And at the time, George probably wouldn't have given me that look for it.

Oh, well, thanks. I dunno...there wasn't as much tied up in doing anything with me. That was all no-strings-attached whatever... Maybe you subconsciously realize you could just be making shit a whole fuckton more complicated by deciding you have feelings for Usopp or something.

...

You don't have feelings for him, do you?

...That makes sense. And you knew that; I told you once, a long time ago. It changed once we started sparring.

No. Of course I don't, he's - ...well, there's no reason for me vehemently not to that I can think of off the top of my head, but no.

I know, I remember. But I didn't like it any better then. ...Which is weird, because I don't know why I even cared.

Hm. Just checking. So yeah, maybe you're just worried then. Don't want to cause anymore complications.

I assume that most people don't want to hear that anyone doesn't find them attractive. Also you obviously wanted me.

I really don't. Sometimes I wish a social situation would arise in which I knew what I was doing.

...Oh yes, even way back then.

Heh. Maybe one day. If you're lucky.

Obviously.

Extremely lucky indeed, at this juncture.

I don't even know if I did or not. I prefer not. It's annoying thinking we could've been doing that for longer.

Things seem to be going...mostly smoothly at the moment, at least?

...Yes, it is.

At the moment. I'm hoping that eventually we can get to a place that doesn't involve everyone experiencing low-grade depression all of the time.

Do you ever miss it? I mean, not that specifically, but guys in general. Although...you said you prefer girls anyway, didn't you?

...It seems like it's fine until you all start thinking about it and wondering what the rules are. At least...that's the impression I get from Usopp.

I tend to prefer women by a small but probably significant margin, yes. And...I don't know. I wouldn't say that I miss it, really. What I do miss, sometimes, is having someone strong enough to take a little punishment. I don't miss it as often anymore as I used to because I'm happy with George, but...well. That was the nice thing about Kaku. And you. I could throw you against a wall without having to think about whether it would hurt you.

...I'd like to be able to assuage his concerns, but it's painfully awkward to get him to talk about it in the first place, and when he does, I still don't usually have the answer he wants.

...Kaku, really? Suppose I should've called that one. Anyway, yeah, guess it's easy not to miss something when you're happy with what you've got.

Probably because there just aren't clear-cut answers like that. It'd be easier if there were, but...

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