serving_love | (no subject)

Man, I can pretty much do both those things, the hell do I care if he can do it.

Yeah. It's good. Things are good. I'm not worried.

You might as well just do it. You all know you're all involved, no point tiptoeing around it. Just get it done and over with so you can figure out how things will go from here on out.

And I like that about you too.

Good.

...But I don't know how things will go from here on out. Or how they ought to go. Or what to say.

Damn straight.

And that's why you need to talk about it instead of avoiding having an awkward conversation.

...I know. I think getting them to agree to it is going to be difficult.

You could always trick them into meeting you somewhere and then lock the door behind you.

I'm pretty sure Usopp would feign death until I agreed to let him out.

...Yeah, you're probably right.

I try. To talk to him about things, I mean. I really do.

......Well if it's not working there, possibly you could spare a little of that effort, switch gears, and instead try to not piss Zoro off anymore than you already have, jesus fuck.

What is his problem? I'm having a hard time caring that I hurt his fragile feelings the more he gets involved in my business, hurts George, and makes Usopp upset by refusing to act civil. Now he's talking about a fishman like it's better than me-- no, I'm not going to stop. As far as I'm concerned, he deserves it.

...Seriously? Hurts George? And you're getting on HIM for making Usopp upset? Holy shit, take off the fucking biased goggles for a second a take a step back, would you? Whatever either of them are feeling in regards to Zoro is your fault, if you trace it back enough. And George's. Because you're both the ones who fucked up in the first place, and I'm sorry the rest of us aren't so blindly in love with George that we could turn around and forgive her at the drop of hat for doing that to Usopp. At least she did talk to Zoro about it eventually, what the hell have you done? George didn't even do anything to him, not directly, but you? Come on, Lucci. That was strike two.

And...I'm ignoring the fishman thing. Of all the things that could set you guys off. That. Just what.

I know it's my fault! That doesn't change the fact that no one asked him for his input and it couldn't kill him to back off. He's not helping Usopp by acting like this, and - you know, I'm not going to have this discussion. Do you know what I haven't tried to talk to him? Because I know it's a lost cause. Because I don't like him. All he's done since he's known me is mistrust me, even before all that happened, and I am sorry for what I've done, but I'm sick of him and his self-righteous "must protect the crew" act. Yes, he's the first mate. I know. Everyone knows! If he knows that I'm not going to kill you all in your sleep, he can stop acting like it. He's no one's goddamn father and I'm getting sick and tired of him pretending that he is.

He's barely inputting anything, he's usually the one who keeps out! I'm the one sticking my nose in everywhere, like now, because I'm incapable of minding my own goddamn business—fuck. Look, you haven't given him any reasons not to mistrust you. At least, not on anything more than a fighting-side-by-side basis, so what the hell do you expect? It doesn't happen that quickly, Luffy told all of us the same shit we're telling him, and what did we do with that? I fucking left, I was so pissed off, and I didn't bother really talking to you for weeks. He just hasn't had time, and...and okay, it really wasn't easy watching Usopp the past couple of months, alright? Even before New Years or whatever. And I know you know that, I know you're just as protective of him as we are. Or you wouldn't be going off at Zoro like you are now. He's doing the exact same thing you are, just for different reasons. Usopp is his nakama, he knows who he is, he's been there from the beginning, he trusts him, he just...knows him. And what he knows about you doesn't fit and he barely knows George at all, so obviously this was how it was gonna end up.

...And you're the one who decided it's a lost cause. Not him.

...

Either way, he obviously loathes me enough to blow up at me over fish. I don't see this going anywhere positive. Frankly, I see no reason that I should try to play nice with him if he's going to be that way when all I'm doing is attempting to make polite conversation.

That wasn't blowing up. He made a snide comment and you snapped at him and he returned the favor and then you apologized for fucking me, which is just. Fantastic. Good job.

I was angry. I know it was inappropriate and I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly in the mood to apologize to him right now.

Yeah, when are you ever gonna be in the mood.

Oh, I don't know, Sanji, I thought maybe the first ninety times would be enough to hold him over for a little while. I apologize for my underestimation.

Have you really apologized to him, though? And meant it? When he had a concussion didn't count, fuck even knows if he remembers that. I'm not saying you haven't, I just really don't know. But then you did the same thing again anyway, so...

Look, since you're so goddamn worried about Usopp and how all this shit is effecting him, I'll make an easy comparison for you. Zoro and George were having issues or whatever, yeah? And Usopp doesn't like that and woe is him, let's all get on Zoro's case so Usopp can stop stressing. Well this is another angle of...the fucking hexagon or something, I don't even know. Where you and Zoro have issues. And now I'm Usopp.

Yes. I did, and I meant it, and we agreed to be civil to each other, and he has to keep bringing up my past despite claiming that he doesn't care. The only reason I can figure that he would do it is either that he does care or that he knows I do.

...All right. I know. I understand. There's no excuse for me to be this way and I have no right to be angry at him and I can't do anything right and I don't know anything about anything and nothing I do will ever fix what I've done and I'll keep ruining things until the end of time. I know. All right? Do you want me to tell him that?

Hm. Well I'm not saying he's totally innocent either. You're both dumbasses.

Oh, don't even. I'm not answering that. You'll do what you want to do.

...Fine.

That's how I feel, all right? I'm weak and it disgusts me to no end. I'm just getting tired of hearing people point it out.

You’re not weak, you just fucked up. Not like you're the only one who ever has. And there's usually someone else involved, which means you don't even get all the blame.

There's just...lines. That you don't cross. Especially when you're already up shit creek with people.

I'm weak if I keep doing it. Being unable to resist temptation is somewhat of a hallmark of weakness, if you weren't aware.

I know. I think I've demonstrated how well I do at applying that knowledge, but I know. ...I'm sorry that this happened. But at this rate I think it was unavoidable.

...Alright, fine. You're weak, then.

You don't have to apologize to me. I could've ignored the whole thing.

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