serving_love | (no subject)

Again...upset with the situation. But directing it at you. Is my guess.

...To him him?

That does make more sense.

...Well, I wasn't before he was female. And I was while he was female, for obvious reasons. But...yes.

It could be something else entirely, though. Who knows.

...Man, he didn't look that similar. But I thought you found him attractive anyway. You know. With that whole orgy thing.

Stop giving me other options; I'm trying not to overthink it.

He sort of does, though. It occurred to me that the reason he made such an attractive girl was probably that he has a lot of features that are considered pretty on a girl. Anyway, the orgy thing was different. First of all, that wasn't even serious, which meant that I wasn't thinking about it seriously, and second, I don't necessarily have to be physically attracted to someone to want to sleep with them. Or use them pad out numbers for an orgy. And it's not that I want to sleep with him, specifically. Or...I didn't. I don't know. I haven't thought about it much. More importantly, why does this bother me now when I didn't care previously?

Ahah. Right, sorry. It's everything I already said.

......I have no idea. It's not even remotely the same for me, so... I can't relate. And I know that wasn't serious, but still. Figured it said SOMETHING about how you felt. But—look, maybe it's just throwing you off because you're used to viewing him as a friend? That's...what I'd tell a normal person, anyway.

Well, I'm used to viewing you as a friend and there was a point in time when I didn't find you particularly attractive. I suppose that was less abrupt, though.

...And at the time, George probably wouldn't have given me that look for it.

Oh, well, thanks. I dunno...there wasn't as much tied up in doing anything with me. That was all no-strings-attached whatever... Maybe you subconsciously realize you could just be making shit a whole fuckton more complicated by deciding you have feelings for Usopp or something.

...

You don't have feelings for him, do you?

...That makes sense. And you knew that; I told you once, a long time ago. It changed once we started sparring.

No. Of course I don't, he's - ...well, there's no reason for me vehemently not to that I can think of off the top of my head, but no.

I know, I remember. But I didn't like it any better then. ...Which is weird, because I don't know why I even cared.

Hm. Just checking. So yeah, maybe you're just worried then. Don't want to cause anymore complications.

I assume that most people don't want to hear that anyone doesn't find them attractive. Also you obviously wanted me.

I really don't. Sometimes I wish a social situation would arise in which I knew what I was doing.

...Oh yes, even way back then.

Heh. Maybe one day. If you're lucky.

Obviously.

Extremely lucky indeed, at this juncture.

I don't even know if I did or not. I prefer not. It's annoying thinking we could've been doing that for longer.

Things seem to be going...mostly smoothly at the moment, at least?

...Yes, it is.

At the moment. I'm hoping that eventually we can get to a place that doesn't involve everyone experiencing low-grade depression all of the time.

Do you ever miss it? I mean, not that specifically, but guys in general. Although...you said you prefer girls anyway, didn't you?

...It seems like it's fine until you all start thinking about it and wondering what the rules are. At least...that's the impression I get from Usopp.

I tend to prefer women by a small but probably significant margin, yes. And...I don't know. I wouldn't say that I miss it, really. What I do miss, sometimes, is having someone strong enough to take a little punishment. I don't miss it as often anymore as I used to because I'm happy with George, but...well. That was the nice thing about Kaku. And you. I could throw you against a wall without having to think about whether it would hurt you.

...I'd like to be able to assuage his concerns, but it's painfully awkward to get him to talk about it in the first place, and when he does, I still don't usually have the answer he wants.

...Kaku, really? Suppose I should've called that one. Anyway, yeah, guess it's easy not to miss something when you're happy with what you've got.

Probably because there just aren't clear-cut answers like that. It'd be easier if there were, but...

Ah, I never told you about that, did I. I suppose I thought it was obvious; I've taken to mocking him for it now that he hates me. Anyway, yes. George is resistant to injury, but not to the point that I'd feel at ease being rough with her like I could be with someone who has even half my Douriki. It's still a little strange that that just...doesn't bother me.

I don't think he understands yet that he's allowed to speak up when he doesn't like something. Which goes for more than just...this thing we've got going.

So maybe you just have a thing for long noses, then.

Hm. I don't think I'm even physically capable of being rough with a girl. So...there's definitely that advantage. And I say that like I've even been with a girl recently or will be with one sometime in the near future. ...Goddamn, it's been a really long time.

Well he's gonna have to learn. Otherwise...I don't even know. But it won't be good.

The only thing that appeals to me about Kaku's nose is the way he can touch it with his ankle standing up.

Mm. I don't suppose there's any hope of Zoro being interested in taking things to the next level anytime soon?

...I know. I'm not sure what to say to him though.

...Like how, bending his leg over his head or pulling it up in front of him or...?

I meant a long time with girls, it hasn't been that long in general. Just...nearly three months. Which. Is longer than I realized. Hn. ...He's getting there, I think. I haven't exactly been pushing anything.

Have the three of you tried actually sitting down together and talking about it?

Oh, he can do both. You should see him stretch before he goes for a long run.

Ah. Well...I can't really speak to this with any authority, but it's probably good that you're all right with things the way they are without pushing him to go further. Right?

No. I can only imagine that going poorly. I think we need to at some point, but...

Man, I can pretty much do both those things, the hell do I care if he can do it.

Yeah. It's good. Things are good. I'm not worried.

You might as well just do it. You all know you're all involved, no point tiptoeing around it. Just get it done and over with so you can figure out how things will go from here on out.

And I like that about you too.

Good.

...But I don't know how things will go from here on out. Or how they ought to go. Or what to say.

Damn straight.

And that's why you need to talk about it instead of avoiding having an awkward conversation.

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