serving_love | (no subject)

Uh-huh.

...Hell, I don't know. I ain't getting my hopes up—I figure the second he realizes what happened, he'll pick up his swords and not put them down until he's a guy again. He's gonna wanna train, and he's probably gonna want someone to train with and fuck knows I'll botch that up if I even try, so then he'll just be pissy at me and I'll be grumpy and if we're still not there yet as we are, then we're sure as hell not gonna do it when he's a GIRL and just. Argh.

...I suppose it does seem like an uncomfortable situation.

I'm just...something. Shit, I think I'm nervous. It's all well and good when OTHER people turn into girls, but when it's him... It's too similar. To before. I dunno, it hasn't been long enough.

Hasn't been long enough?

I mean...it might pull up bad memories?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Was that a particularly bad time for the two of you?

...I'm referring to when it happened to me, you moron. What do YOU think?

I didn't know what you were talking about.

...

I guess I didn't really clarify. Whatever, nevermind.

Sorry.

Do you think it's going to bother him, then? The...last time?

I don't know. Maybe it won't be an issue. But I can't help thinking about it anyway.

Hm.

...In other more positive and less whiny news, I have a newfound appreciation for Zoro's three-sword style technique.

Oh?

Mmmm-hmm~!

I take it this is something you don't get to talk to me about.

...

Oh shit, right. Goddammit.

You know, I liked you a lot better before you were with him.

...Great, thanks.

...I'm sorry; that wasn't fair. I liked talking to you a lot better before you were with him.

Hn. I was going to say, before you lightning quick replied to me, that it's not like you'd TELL him if, hypothetically, I told you something I probably wasn't supposed to.

...

We're not going to play this game, Sanji. I'd like to be able to talk to you about it; you know I would, but this is what happens when your boyfriend is a overcontrolling prick. Just find someone else to talk to.

...I don't have anyone—stop acting like this is HIS fault, dammit! You still haven't—

Just. Fine.

Forget it.

You're social; go make more friends. Look, I know I need to apologize to him and I am going to as soon as I get figure out a way to get him to occupy the same space as me, alone, for longer than three seconds, without resorting to violence or methods of forceful entrapment. If you have any ideas, please feel free to pitch them in.

But even when I do apologize to him, if he accepts it by some strange miracle and if by even greater strange miracle we manage to make up, we still won't get along because he's a dour, hyper-focused, personality-less simpleton and no amount of good behavior on my part will ever get him to halfway trust me again, and he still won't allow you to tell me things that he doesn't want me to know, and there's no point, Sanji. I don't know why I'm even bothering. I don't know why you're even bothering! You've made your choice and I'm glad you're happy, but this obviously isn't going to work.

...What choice, the hell other choice was I SUPPOSED to make? It's not like I was choosing one or the other!

I don't know. Why am I bothering. I hoped eventually you guys might—wishful thinking, though, I get that. If it's really that pointless, fine. I'll just wait for you to come to me with your shit and stick to the weather otherwise, is that what you want? I hate this. But if you're not going to make an effort, then that's fucking fantastic. Thanks for the head's up, at least now I know to stop trying, too.

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