serving_love | (no subject)

Sorry.

Do you think it's going to bother him, then? The...last time?

I don't know. Maybe it won't be an issue. But I can't help thinking about it anyway.

Hm.

...In other more positive and less whiny news, I have a newfound appreciation for Zoro's three-sword style technique.

Oh?

Mmmm-hmm~!

I take it this is something you don't get to talk to me about.

...

Oh shit, right. Goddammit.

You know, I liked you a lot better before you were with him.

...Great, thanks.

...I'm sorry; that wasn't fair. I liked talking to you a lot better before you were with him.

Hn. I was going to say, before you lightning quick replied to me, that it's not like you'd TELL him if, hypothetically, I told you something I probably wasn't supposed to.

...

We're not going to play this game, Sanji. I'd like to be able to talk to you about it; you know I would, but this is what happens when your boyfriend is a overcontrolling prick. Just find someone else to talk to.

...I don't have anyone—stop acting like this is HIS fault, dammit! You still haven't—

Just. Fine.

Forget it.

You're social; go make more friends. Look, I know I need to apologize to him and I am going to as soon as I get figure out a way to get him to occupy the same space as me, alone, for longer than three seconds, without resorting to violence or methods of forceful entrapment. If you have any ideas, please feel free to pitch them in.

But even when I do apologize to him, if he accepts it by some strange miracle and if by even greater strange miracle we manage to make up, we still won't get along because he's a dour, hyper-focused, personality-less simpleton and no amount of good behavior on my part will ever get him to halfway trust me again, and he still won't allow you to tell me things that he doesn't want me to know, and there's no point, Sanji. I don't know why I'm even bothering. I don't know why you're even bothering! You've made your choice and I'm glad you're happy, but this obviously isn't going to work.

...What choice, the hell other choice was I SUPPOSED to make? It's not like I was choosing one or the other!

I don't know. Why am I bothering. I hoped eventually you guys might—wishful thinking, though, I get that. If it's really that pointless, fine. I'll just wait for you to come to me with your shit and stick to the weather otherwise, is that what you want? I hate this. But if you're not going to make an effort, then that's fucking fantastic. Thanks for the head's up, at least now I know to stop trying, too.

Did you notice that I've stopped talking to you about my problems? I can't do that when I feel like you can't talk to me about yours; that isn't fair. So, yes, we're going to have to talk about the weather.

I made an effort. Do you remember when I tried to be friends with him? Do you remember how we had nothing to talk about because there's only so many times I can hear him rehash how all he thinks about is swordfighting and Dracule Mihawk? I'll gladly spar with him any day of the week, and I don't want to hate him, or for him to hate me, but we have nothing in common - there's nothing for us to bond over. I honestly don't understand what you have in common with him - you seem like polar opposites to me, and whenever I see you together you're annoying each other. All I can surmise is that that three-sword technique must be really worth it.

...Oh I'm sorry, apparently I did miss that. Tell me, did you stop before or after your whole threesome thing with Usopp? Because as per fucking usual I still managed to hear about that one from nearly all involved parties, you being one of them.

I remember, and I remember it going somewhat okay until you started bitching at him over nothing and then made a point to throw our shit at him for the sheer purpose of pissing him off! And—jesus, what the hell. Fuck you, Lucci.

Well, maybe if you--

No, I'm not doing this. George is right; this is just...everything really has gone downhill ever since we got here. I've been denying it, and I know I shouldn't. I like you all, you know. Some of you I actually love, which... I don't want to leave, but learning how to stop being selfish is probably next on the list of things I need to overcome in order to be a proper human being.

And do not accuse me of being melodramatic or seeking attention, will you? It's true, and you know it is.

...

What—you can't leave. Newsflash, dumbass, humans ARE selfish. They're selfish and they make really fucking bad decisions and they mess up, it happens. And newsflash again, leaving never solves anything. You still leave a whole pile of shit behind you that has to be dealt with, the only difference is there's the added shitty-ness of you not being around anymore. And it's just been these past few months that have sucked, not...the entire time you've been here.

...Just these past few months-- yes, excellent motivation. Look, I know that humans are selfish, but it's hardly a good quality, and if I'm only going to show remorse for my selfish actions when the consequences become inconvenient for me, that means I haven't come far enough - that much, I realize.

A newsflash for you: All the existing problems are me. I wouldn't be leaving much behind except for the apparent gaping hole that would be the lack of my presence, and you've all left behind people you cared about before and you can do it again. I'd have George, and we could...figure something out; keep sailing or find an island to...she likes autumn islands. There are other options. We were never really pirates to begin with.

It's only because a lot of stuff went down in a not-so-great way, you can't deny that, but it's...getting better. Isn't it?

Have you been talking about this with her or something? You guys can't seriously be thinking of... What about—Usopp? And. ...Fuck, where is this COMING from??

...Is it?

I'm just starting to think that this is something we need to consider, for our sake and everyone else's. Usopp...I don't know. He's part of this crew; he wouldn't leave even if he wanted to.

I thought. I mean, aside from the Zoro stuff... And I might not like that you guys don't get along, but. Guess you can't...force things. Look, it's not like he's forbidden me to talk to you. It's basically just...the private stuff he doesn't want me going to you about. Which isn't entirely unreasonable, and it doesn't mean we have to cut conversation out completely or that you have to leave or something stupid. I can still talk to you about my problems and shit. I just DID, actually.

Then stop tossing her name in there like it's some prearranged thing! You're both part of this crew, too, and—obviously Usopp wouldn't leave. I meant you'd be leaving him behind, too, and stealing his girlfriend once and for all while you were at it.

Hm.

...We haven't talked about it at length, but it's come up. A few times. I believe she's mentioned it to other people as well. And this is not about me stealing Usopp's girlfriend-- I wouldn't try to make her do anything she didn't want to, and...it's not really about me and her, together. It's just that both of us are causing a problem.

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