serving_love | (no subject)

Did you notice that I've stopped talking to you about my problems? I can't do that when I feel like you can't talk to me about yours; that isn't fair. So, yes, we're going to have to talk about the weather.

I made an effort. Do you remember when I tried to be friends with him? Do you remember how we had nothing to talk about because there's only so many times I can hear him rehash how all he thinks about is swordfighting and Dracule Mihawk? I'll gladly spar with him any day of the week, and I don't want to hate him, or for him to hate me, but we have nothing in common - there's nothing for us to bond over. I honestly don't understand what you have in common with him - you seem like polar opposites to me, and whenever I see you together you're annoying each other. All I can surmise is that that three-sword technique must be really worth it.

...Oh I'm sorry, apparently I did miss that. Tell me, did you stop before or after your whole threesome thing with Usopp? Because as per fucking usual I still managed to hear about that one from nearly all involved parties, you being one of them.

I remember, and I remember it going somewhat okay until you started bitching at him over nothing and then made a point to throw our shit at him for the sheer purpose of pissing him off! And—jesus, what the hell. Fuck you, Lucci.

Well, maybe if you--

No, I'm not doing this. George is right; this is just...everything really has gone downhill ever since we got here. I've been denying it, and I know I shouldn't. I like you all, you know. Some of you I actually love, which... I don't want to leave, but learning how to stop being selfish is probably next on the list of things I need to overcome in order to be a proper human being.

And do not accuse me of being melodramatic or seeking attention, will you? It's true, and you know it is.

...

What—you can't leave. Newsflash, dumbass, humans ARE selfish. They're selfish and they make really fucking bad decisions and they mess up, it happens. And newsflash again, leaving never solves anything. You still leave a whole pile of shit behind you that has to be dealt with, the only difference is there's the added shitty-ness of you not being around anymore. And it's just been these past few months that have sucked, not...the entire time you've been here.

...Just these past few months-- yes, excellent motivation. Look, I know that humans are selfish, but it's hardly a good quality, and if I'm only going to show remorse for my selfish actions when the consequences become inconvenient for me, that means I haven't come far enough - that much, I realize.

A newsflash for you: All the existing problems are me. I wouldn't be leaving much behind except for the apparent gaping hole that would be the lack of my presence, and you've all left behind people you cared about before and you can do it again. I'd have George, and we could...figure something out; keep sailing or find an island to...she likes autumn islands. There are other options. We were never really pirates to begin with.

It's only because a lot of stuff went down in a not-so-great way, you can't deny that, but it's...getting better. Isn't it?

Have you been talking about this with her or something? You guys can't seriously be thinking of... What about—Usopp? And. ...Fuck, where is this COMING from??

...Is it?

I'm just starting to think that this is something we need to consider, for our sake and everyone else's. Usopp...I don't know. He's part of this crew; he wouldn't leave even if he wanted to.

I thought. I mean, aside from the Zoro stuff... And I might not like that you guys don't get along, but. Guess you can't...force things. Look, it's not like he's forbidden me to talk to you. It's basically just...the private stuff he doesn't want me going to you about. Which isn't entirely unreasonable, and it doesn't mean we have to cut conversation out completely or that you have to leave or something stupid. I can still talk to you about my problems and shit. I just DID, actually.

Then stop tossing her name in there like it's some prearranged thing! You're both part of this crew, too, and—obviously Usopp wouldn't leave. I meant you'd be leaving him behind, too, and stealing his girlfriend once and for all while you were at it.

Hm.

...We haven't talked about it at length, but it's come up. A few times. I believe she's mentioned it to other people as well. And this is not about me stealing Usopp's girlfriend-- I wouldn't try to make her do anything she didn't want to, and...it's not really about me and her, together. It's just that both of us are causing a problem.

Hm?

...I know it's not about that, but if you both took off—together, whether you meant it to be that way or not—and left him here, that's what it would feel like.

If there's a problem then fix it, don't run away from it.

It's just that every time we do talk, things like that come up, and then everything is awkward, and I'm sick of not being able to have a normal conversation with you.

...I know. And I don't like that. I just don't see any way around it. I couldn't leave her, you know - I promised that if she ever left I would go with her.

That's not - Running away is fixing it. I am the problem.

...Yeah, I know.

Well. She's not leaving, so that won't be an issue.

I don't—there is no problem, dammit! At least, not anything so major that you need to LEAVE.

Edited 2010-04-17 06:20 (UTC)

But there's no solution to that unless you want to lie to him. And frankly, I'm not really sure how much I want to know about your sex life with him anyway.

Mmhm.

...Well it's not like I was planning on handing you a book with all the freaking details, geez. So it's not even really an issue, is it?

You think there is?

I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

No, of course I don't think there's a problem. I've completely moved past that in the past ten comments of conversation and it will never be an issue again.

Should I just not talk about him at all? You want me to filter every goddamn word I say so everyone involved is happy?

....A problem big enough to warrant separating from the crew, I'm just wondering what exactly you think that is.

...No. I don't know.

All right - whenever something goes terribly wrong, whose fault is it?

...Well I don't know either.

Everyone involved?

How unfortunate.

And who's always involved...? Look, I'm not contributing anything here. All I ever do is destroy things.

...Right. Nevermind, then.

Now you are being melodramatic. Most of that shit is over and done with, so leaving NOW ain't gonna solve a damn thing.

What do you want me to say, Sanji? It is unfortunate.

Zoro would certainly be happier, wouldn't he? Then you all wouldn't have to worry about what new and exciting topics we'll potentially murder each other over this week.

I don't want you to say anything. I'm just done talking about it.

Zoro ain't the only person on this crew. You're not gonna convince it's a good idea.

Fine.

I'm sorry to hear that, then.

Go tell Usopp you're leaving, he'll say all the same shit I did.

I won't tell him, then.

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