serving_love | (no subject)

Yes, because you are never not.

Tch, whatever. Your damn pie's already made.

Is it?

...Oh.

Figured we could have it for breakfast. I can make another one for tonight.

Well, now I would feel like a heel if I felt that I'd actually done anything wrong in the first place.

I can't even remember what you said, ahahaha.

I basically accused you of being some sort of watered-down incubus.

Oh right.

...

I'll stick with pretending I don't remember.

You do that.

...So I had someone ask me what kind of stuff around a ship was best to use for lubricant the other day.

You did?

Do I want to know who it was?

...Or what you said?

He'd probably flip his shit if I told you his name.

I was gonna throw food stuff at him, but he said his cook had used up everything in the kitchen or something, I don't even know.

Right. Well, it depends on what he planned to use it for - most food items are unsafe for vaginal lubrication, and while plenty of things are fine for anal, especially something like vegetable shortening, which is about the right consistency, a lot of oil-based food products can eat through condoms and make them less effective. If it's for personal use, that shouldn't be an issue - is there something preventing him from buying actual lubricant? Because that's always a safer option, although he should probably be aware that while silicone-based lube lasts longer, it has a tendency to stain and can eat the surface away from silicone toys, so if that's a concern, it's better to stick to water-based...and if he really can't buy any for some reason, his best bet for any purpose is unscented hand lotion, preferably with as few ingredients as possible.

...

You...are a goddamn walking textbook.

For the record - he got his hand stuck in a jar.

Oh, of course. Well, you could have said so - I assumed that you were telling me because you needed something to tell him.

Yeah, but this is funnier.

Anyway, I did the same thing. Told him to go buy some and he was going on about his hand being stuck somewhere and I just had no idea what the hell he was going on about.

Ha. That must have been interesting.

Well, anyway, now you know, in case you need to use that information at any point in the future.

I was amused. I'm still making fun of him for it.

...Right, thanks for that. I'll just save that comment, shall I?

I don't blame you.

Mmhm. If you want my advice - more of it, that is - don't get anything too cheap. Never a good idea.

Right. Right, yeah. Cheap shit is usually just that - shit.

...You know, I really wasn't telling you that to get information out of you in some weird, roundabout way.

....Yes, Luffy. Pie.