(no subject)

[serving_love]

...So. Think I’m gonna go out this afternoon. Probably grab dinner on the island. Anyone else wanna come?

I’ll leave shit in the galley, too, if you’d rather stay.

Comments

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

I did.

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

Am I to assume that it worked out well, then?

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

You are more than welcome to assume that~

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

Congratulations, then.

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

...Yeah, thanks.

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

Something wrong?

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

No. Just weird timing.

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

Is it?

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

Mm. Doesn't feel right being happy when half the other people on board are miserable.

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

Just be happy. I'm tired of everyone being miserable because of me. I don't want you to be one of them.

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wasn't about to be miserable. More like guilty.

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

It wasn't your fault.

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

...Guilty for feeling happy when—nevermind.

So. I actually do want to know how things are...going. You know. If you want to tell me. If not, that's fine.

[Private]

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

You probably shouldn't feel guilty about that, either.

...I suppose there's not much to tell. I'm an idiot. Usopp knows everything. I just realized that it's been almost a month that we didn't tell him. I should know better than this. I can't believe I let myself do that to him.

I'm not upset that she slept with him, Sanji. Really, if they were both all right with it, she could sleep with him all she wants. I don't care about that. It's the fact that we lied to him and that he isn't okay with it and she knows that, and...at the time, I was being irrational and thought she somehow did it to spite me, but that's stupid and I know it.

She made a private post so we can all talk about it. She says that she loves both of us and can't...do this anymore, by which I suppose she means picking one of us and going behind the other's back. I'm afraid that Usopp might hate me now and that I'll never be able to fix that. I don't know what to say to him or how to fix this. It's a mess. Why is everything always a mess?

Re: [Private]

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

It's a mess because no one was honest from the start. If you'd told him a month ago, then maybe by now he'd be okay with it or...at least he would've been able to start moving on, and he might at least trust you guys and you wouldn't have lied to him—

...Sorry. That's not helpful and you can't change the past.

Look, I'm...glad you're not upset with her for that part. As for the rest, well. Everyone fucks up. At least you're all talking about it. That's something. You're just gonna have to be patient with Usopp, because...I don't know. Hell if I know what he's gonna do.

He ain't all that happy with me, either.

Re: [Private]

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

...Do you know what one of the worst parts of this is? He still doesn't believe that he's good enough. I'm a monster, and he thinks I'm better than him. That's the most twisted and pitiful thing I've ever heard.

Re: [Private]

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. I mean, he hasn't said it to me yet this time, but I'm practically waiting for it. It's fucking frustrating and not true and it's the ONE reason that sometimes I wish George would've picked him instead.

Re: [Private]

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

But one isn't supposed to be good enough for someone else, anyway. He's not even good enough for himself. I don't understand why. What is it about him that he thinks is so awful?

Re: [Private]

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

...I don't know. Maybe it's some...leftover issue from his dad taking off when he was little or something. Honestly, I can't really figure it out. I just wish I could fucking change his mind.

Re: [Private]

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

Any methods I could come up with to make someone feel better about themselves wouldn't work on him. I think it might be hopeless. That's depressing.

...I just don't know what to do about anyone or anything anymore.

Re: [Private]

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

Look, I know you don't want to hear it...but the fact that you do feel guilty about this shit is at least step one. So apparently nearly screwing Zoro over wasn't quite enough to get you to step two, but it's still a fucking ton better than you used to be.

You're just...gonna have to gain his trust back now. Somehow. If you care enough, you'll do whatever it takes.

Re: [Private]

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

...What's step two?

I will. I just don't know if he's willing to let me.

Re: [Private]

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

To not pull crap that gets you in trouble like this in the first place. To realize, hey, this might hurt someone I care about, and stop.

You're nakama. Hopefully he is.

Re: [Private]

[black-hat-cat.livejournal.com]

...Right.

Hopefully.

Re: [Private]

[serving-love.livejournal.com]

Maybe just...give him a couple days. He's pretty thrown for a loop right now.