serving_love | (no subject)

Like he would’ve let me. But no, I was...vague. I just didn’t know what to do, I was trying to get some advice. Basically I just said that she’d made a choice but that she hadn’t told the other person yet and it meant I was having to...not be entirely honest. And Zoro just figured it out from that. I don’t know what else he does or doesn’t know.

...I guess it's not really fair that I keep running to you for advice all the time. I just...I dunno who else to talk to about that kind of stuff.

She...says she still hasn't decided yet, by the way. Not for sure. I mean, she's with Lucci now, but she says--I don't know. Maybe she's just trying to make me feel better.

Usopp, I like that you can talk to me. You SHOULD be able to talk to me. Just…when you know I talk to George and Lucci, too, it makes things…complicated. Advice, I can do. Telling you if I know anything and what they may or may not have said…that’s a no.

…Christ. This is getting—right, well. What are you going to do?

...okay, okay. You're right, that's not fair. I just...I can't really help it if I think you KNOW something. Even if I don't MEAN to, I just--

I don't know. I don't think there's anything I CAN do. George, uh. She made a post so we could sort of...talk about stuff, but...I dunno, Sanji. It doesn't feel like anything's really getting solved. George is upset and I feel bad, but I'm also just...mad right now, so I'm probably only making it worse. And Lucci thinks I hate him and I DON'T, but I just...really don't want to talk to him right now, and I don't even know if I ever will.

Anyway...in the end, it's kind of all up to her, isn't it? I don't think I really can do much of anything except...let her decide.

Heh. It’s hard, I know. Definitely don't blame you for wanting to know what the hell is going on.

Yeah, Lucci mentioned she made a post... I guess that’s a good idea in theory, but. I don’t know what it would solve anyway. It gets everything out in the open, but she should’ve done that weeks ago, and like you said, she apparently still hasn’t...decided.

I dunno, Usopp. If she can’t make up her mind, maybe someone should make it up for her. It’s been two freaking months and you guys have literally gotten nowhere and yet things have still managed to get completely fucked up. Apparently waiting around for her to just pick someone already isn’t doing any good, so. You’re gonna have to try something different. I don’t know what, but this is seriously getting ridiculous.

...As for Lucci. Just...give yourself some space. He’s sorry, but that doesn’t mean you have to forgive him or talk to him right away. Don’t stress too much about it.

It's just...a natural reaction, I guess. Still, sorry for...putting you on the spot. I guess it wouldn't be good for you to break a promise, either.

Too little, too late, you think? I dunno. Maybe she HAS. Maybe she's just saying that to make me feel better or something, but...she SAYS she means it. I want to believe her. I'm just...not sure if I should. And I hate that.

HOW?? What am I supposed to do?? I mean. If you've got any ideas, I'd probably try them. Maybe you're right, maybe someone needs to DO something, but I have no idea what to even try. And...in the end, no one can force her to make a decision except herself.

...I thought we were friends, Sanji. I mean. I really--I trusted him. Especially lately. Here I thought we were getting to be really CLOSE, and the whole time he was just--

It's fine. Seriously. We're both sorry.

She probably means it. I mean, at this point, the only way to make it worse would be to keep lying about how she feels, so. She damn well better mean it. If she's gonna give you hope like that...

I have no idea. I really don't. But if no one does anything, it'll just keep going forever.

...He did want to tell you. He didn't because George wasn't ready and because he didn't want to hurt you. That doesn't make it okay, but...it's something? It's probably because you were getting close that he didn't want to jeopardize that.

Okay. ...heh. Are you getting as sick of hearing apologies as I am? After a while it just kinda...the words don't mean anything anymore.

...y-yeah. I guess you're right. I HOPE you're right.

.....that's really not a very appealing future.

You know. He DID say that. Th-that he wanted to tell me, I just. I guess I just didn't...want to listen. Anyway, it's a little different hearing it from you. ...not that that really makes it much better.

...it's not very fair, really. George lied to me too, and that's...it's worse. But I'm not as mad at her. Mostly I'm just...hurt. And then she says she still loves me, and that really just--it's good to know, and maybe a little comforting, but mostly it just makes it even worse.

...I haven't been hearing them as much as you, I imagine. Mostly been handing them out.

Yeah, I pretty much just said the same thing to Lucci. If no one has any ideas, then you're all doomed to be miserable.

I'm not trying to make any excuses for him, trust me. You should be upset with him. But I did a lot of bitching at him myself when George wasn't telling you anything, and he even went so far as to say that he was getting frustrated with her, too. So.

...I'd rather be mad than hurt. So, to me, that's worse. And her still insisting she loves you...I can see how that would feel worse, too.

It's been like this for almost two months now, Sanji. It just...really wears you down.

...gee, THANKS. That's SO reassuring to hear.

I know, I know...

Well. I would and I wouldn't. Being hurt FEELS worse, probably. But...I don't want to be mad at her, either. I still am, a little. I just. Don't want to be.

I'm not even directly involved and it's wearing me down.

Well if none of you are coming up with other options, how the hell else do you think it's gonna go?

...Right, sorry.

I just know how to handle anger, that's all. But yeah. Not wanting to be mad at her makes sense.

...right. Well, I guess you sort of ended up kind in the middle a little anyway. You apparently had to hear about it from everyone, at least.

It's not like I'm not TRYING!! I just...I have no clue what to do, Sanji!!! You can't...FORCE someone to make up their mind that easy.

I don't like being mad like this. Anyway it...usually doesn't last very long when I am, I guess. Except. Maybe it will this time. I don't know. I kind of think I want to...punch him or something.

...but not REALLY, because that would be a horrible idea and then maybe I'd die.

I dunno, though. I just...ugh. I gotta let this out somehow, I guess. Maybe I SHOULD try shooting some stuff. You got any empty bottles or anything?

Yeah well. Whatever. It's not a big deal.

That easy, the time for it to be called THAT EASY was like two months ago. At this point I'd say that getting her to make up her mind is more of a pain in the ass.

He'd probably let you punch him. But failing that, yeah, I've probably got some shit you can shoot. I'm all for expressing anger in creative ways.

FINE then. The point is, yeah, maybe I should do SOMETHING, but I don't have any clue what, and...neither does George, and I don't think Lucci does either.

You think? Hmm. ...nah, I'd probably just...break my hand or something. I'll just stick to whatever you've got.

Then you're back at being miserable, aren't you? It's a big circle.

Right, yeah, then he'd just feel like an even bigger asshole - I doubt you'd break your hand.

I don't think we ever LEFT being miserable in the first place. It's not even a circle. It's a...quagmire.

...what, you think I should?

Well. I guess MAYBE not if he didn't use that Tekkai stuff. It still seems a little iffy to me.

I meant when you're trying to figure out what to do. You're just going in circles.

He wouldn't! Hell, I think it's a good idea.

Oh. Well...that too, then.

...right, of course YOU'D think it's a good idea.

...Yeah, so. Anyway.

I just think you deserve to punch someone!

...right.

So. You just want me to punch someone. ...am I missing something here?

Sorry, I didn't know where else to go with that.

...No? I don't want you to punch someone, just figured it might help. Maybe you could get Franky to set up a punching bag for you and you can go beat the crap out of it.

Yeah, well...I don't either. I guess that's the point.

I dunno. If I'm gonna do that, I might as well just go shoot a bunch of bottles. It's basically the same thing, in the end. Maybe I'll just draw little Lucci faces on them first or something.

Guess so.

Ahah. That could work.

It wouldn't take too long to do, anyway; either. Just draw on some sinister eyebrows and a weird goatee and that's basically him.

They'll definitely be interesting to see.

I'll find you some bottles.

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