serving_love | (no subject)

You have to give them a clear answer, George. It'll be better for everyone in the long run.

I did. I told them both that I'm staying with Usopp.

Then stick by your decision and stop wishing you could have Lucci or you're never going to be completely happy!

I can't just stop.

It's not fair to Usopp if you don't! OR you, you're just torturing yourself.

I can't just turn my feelings off like that, Sanji.

I know you can't, but that doesn't mean you can't at least try. I don't think you want to, that's the problem, and it's just going to make this harder for all of you.

Because if no one's feelings would get hurt I might choose Lucci.

Yeah, I get that. Which is why I don't understand why you're still insisting on staying with Usopp. He's not that fragile, you know - yes, he'd be crushed and yeah, things would be really fucking awkward for awhile, but he wouldn't stop caring about you. If that's what would make you happy, then he would learn to be okay with it.

But...you know what's best, it's your life after all. You have to be able to live with the choices you make, so if this is what you want, then that's that.

I don't want to give him up. I'm not ready to give him up.

Right, well, that's good. Because the longer you stay with him, the better the break-up will be. Obviously.

So, what, you think I should break up with him, then?

No...

Maybe.

Fuck, I don't know. It's just.

...

I think if you can say that you'd pick Lucci, or that you might pick Lucci, or whatever, no matter what impossible circumstances we use, that...says a lot. That maybe you're staying with Usopp because you're afraid to hurt him. And because he's safe and familiar. And that isn't unreasonable, it's just...not very fair.

And maybe a little selfish.

So it's selfish to stay with Usopp so I won't hurt him? And because I do love him? I think it would be selfish for me to leave my boyfriend, who I do love for someone who...it might not even work out with.

This fucking sucks, Sanji.

What...what would you do if you were me?

No, it's -- I know you love him. I'm not in anyway trying to say you don't. But it's the whole thing. Wanting both of them, knowing you can't have them, staying with Usopp but wishing the entire time that you could be with Lucci, too. Making the decision not to leave Usopp, but at the same time saying you'd pick Lucci if you knew beforehand Usopp would be okay with it. Not leaving Usopp because you're not ready to let him go, ignoring that by the time you ARE ready, whenever that might be, if ever, that he'll probably just be even more in love with you. Not leaving him now because there's still all the "what if"s of a new relationship with Lucci, making Usopp the safer option.

You don't want to lose either of them, but if you keep things as they are you have a greater chance of keeping them both in your life, whereas if you were to break up with Usopp you run the risk of losing him entirely.

And if you keep things as they are now, you get the best of both worlds. You get the "normal" teenage relationship and you get the guy who understands all the shit you have to deal with. Since apparently you want to protect Usopp from having to know too much about your job. Same as you want to protect him from getting hurt.

...So. Not a bad selfish, because I guess it...can't really be helped. It's not an easy situation to have to deal with. I know this is hard and it sucks and there's going to be consequences no matter what you do and I'm sorry you had to be put in this position. I don't know what the best choice is, and if I were you...I have no fucking clue what I would do. I really don't. All I know...is that Usopp is eighteen, and you're the first girl he's ever loved. But eighteen is young and that girl he's eventually gonna settle down and grow old with is probably still out there. And Lucci...well. That he's learned to open himself up to people at all is sort of amazing. And yet you've managed to become the most important person in his life.

I dunno, George.

I...need some time to think.

Definitely understandable.

Thank you, Sanji.

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