LOG POST: Zoro and Sanji

[serving_love]

LOG POST: Zoro and Sanji

Happened Friday night. Involves lots of alcohol. And snarking. And baking. Rated PG-13ish for POTTY MOUTHS.



Sanji: *shuffling around the kitchen, pulling bowls and such out of cabinets and gathering up ingredients for PIE*

Zoro: *barges in very manly-like with extra swagger* *stops just inside the door* Oi.

Sanji: *glances over his shoulder at Zoro, arms full of baking stuff* Yo. *unloads all his stuff onto the counter* Rum's on the table.

Sanji: *dons his awesome cool pink apron*

Zoro: *grabs the bottle and takes a hearty swig, trying to feel less awkward about the whole girly cooking thing* Didn't ask what kind of pie I wanted.

Sanji: I was about to, shithead. *leans against the counter and lights up a cigarette, before raising an eyebrow* So. What kind?

Zoro: Shit. I didn't think of one. *drinks again, trying to buy time* Can you make pecan or is that too hard?

Sanji: Pecan? That's actually easier. *pulls open another cabinet and grabs a bag of pecans* Pour me a glass, would you, marimo? And get the eggs out of the fridge. *rummages around for more necessary ingredients*

Zoro: *replies with a grunt and gets Sanji the booze first because its obviously more important* Fuckin princess.... *mumbles under his breath while staring into the fridge for eggs* Fuck. Where the hell are they... *totally out of his element*

Sanji: *downs half the glass, rolling his eyes at Zoro's back* On the middle shelf. You can't miss 'em.

Zoro: *totally misses them like a big retard and starts shuffling things around in there looking for them, messing up any kind of system Sanji may have had in the fridge* I need more booze for this kind of shit.

Sanji: Oi! *sets his glass down and shoulders Zoro out of the way, scowling* Shit, asshole, you're screwing it up- They were RIGHT HERE. *pulls out a very EGG-SHAPED CARTON that was at the very front of the fridge* Idiot.

Zoro: *glares at Sanji's back, wishing his eyes could somehow wield a katana, too* That's because I just pushed the other shit outta the way, dumbass! *gladly gets out of the way to chug more booze, then fills Sanji's glass back up stealthily*

Sanji: They were in the front in the first place! You just somehow manage to get lost even in a two-square-foot area of space. *takes a final drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out, and grabs the glass again*

Zoro: Shut up, damn love cook. *brings the bottle and sets it on the counter next to where Sanji is working so he can watch or help or something* *feels really frustrated not knowing what to do* Why the fuck do I have to be here again?

Sanji: You're the one who wanted the goddamn pie. *shoves a blue apron at Zoro* Wash your hands and put that on. Do you remember how to make the crust?

Zoro: *groans and puts the apron on grudgingly* *snaps at Sanji* If I did you wouldn't have a goddamn job, dartboard brow. *washes his hands but doesn't use soap because men can stand a little dirt once in a while*

Sanji: *wrinkles his nose at Zoro's non-use of soap, drinking more booze and filling his glass up again* Guess that was too much information for your shit-for-brains to handle. *sighs loudly* No matter, I'll show you again. *washes his hands too, pointedly lathering up almost too much*

Zoro: What are you trying to scrub your skin off? *pokes him in the side, almost trying to be irritating* *drinking the last bit from the bottle already*

Sanji: *frowns, kicking him in the ankle* Maybe my extra cleanliness will make up for your disgustingness. *eyes the bottle* That one's already empty? Shit.

Zoro: *jabs him again in the side* Least I'm not prissy. *leaves the empty bottle in the sink* You make pie, I'll get booze. Where are you hiding the rest.

Sanji: *scowls and flicks water in Zoro's face from his wet hands* M'not prissy, asshole. *grabs the flour and a measuring cup* They're under the sink.

Zoro: Don't do that, shithead! *uses his apron to wipe his face* You are fuckin prissy! With your fancy shit for the girls and little suits or whatever. Che. *reaches under the sink to grab two more full bottles*

Sanji: *abandons his glass in the sink and just snatches one of the bottles* Just because I like looking good and doing nice things for women doesn't mean I'm prissy! *pops off the top and chugs for a minute, then wipes his mouth off with he back of his hand, glaring the whole time* Means I'm a GENTLEMAN.

Zoro: *glares back, his hand not holding the bottle balling into a fist* No, it means you're PRISSY. And now you're tryin to still be a man by chugging like me. But you won't be able to fuckin hold it like a man. *downs a quarter of his bottle* I'm not tying your hair back or nothin this time, either.

Sanji: Don't want you touching my hair again anyway, I'll kick your ass if you do! *drinks so he's past the quarter mark on his bottle, too* I can match you. *grimaces slightly, takes another gulp, then sets the bottle on the counter* But pie first.

Zoro: *already down to the halfway point on the bottle* Don't want you touching mine again either, but... *takes the stupid cook's threat as a challenge and puts his fingers in Sanji's hair, an evil grin plastered to his face* Bring it on. *said in almost a low growl*

Sanji: *fumbles and drops the measuring cup he'd picked up again, whirling around with his knee raised to push Zoro back* O-oi! The hell you doing, shithead-- Again? Yours? *blinks*

Zoro: *pushes his knee off to the side nonchalantly* Oh nothin'. *sadistic grin* Thought you were gonna kick my ass, what happened to that? Chicken out at the last second? *laughs to himself and drops his hand from Sanji's head*

Sanji: *narrows his eyes, staring at Zoro* ...No fighting in my kitchen. I don't need marimo-sized dents in the wall. *pats down his hair and almost gets out another cigarette, feeling out of place for a moment and needing something for his hands to do, but then decides against it* Here, start the crust or we're never gonna get this thing done. *pushes the flour toward Zoro*

Zoro: Che. *frustrated because Sanji didn't get riled up the way he had wanted him to* Stick in the mud. *takes another drink and then stares at the flour* ...what am I supposed to do with it.

Sanji: Measure out two-and-a-half cups and then add two sticks of butter. *recites from memory* *avoids looking at Zoro and brings his own bottle with him to the other end of the counter where he starts putting together stuff for the filling*

Zoro: *looks at Sanji questioningly at his moving further down the counter, then shrugs to himself and takes a swig* *stares at the stuff in front of him for a second before deciding his plan of attack on the flour, digging his measuring cup into the bag of flour and bringing out a HEAPING cup, of course, getting it all over the place on the way to the bowl*

Sanji: *busy mixing eggs, molasses, and corn syrup, but then glances up in time to see Zoro getting flour everywhere* What- Oi, shithead, what the hell are you doing?! *marches back toward him* The goal is to get it IN the bowl, dumbass.

Zoro: 'm doing what you told me to, what the fuck does it look like. *brushes what fell on the counter to the floor* There. Happy now? Go drink your booze and stop being such a pain in the ass, would ya?

Sanji: *offended look* Don't brush it onto the floor, that just makes it a bigger pain to clean! And look how much extra that was - that's a total waste! Shit, marimo!

Zoro: *slaps his hand to his face in frustration, in the process getting a hand print of flour on his face* Shouldn't you be doing this anyway?! You're the shitty cook, NOT ME. *tosses the measuring cup in the bowl and takes his bottle to sulk at the table with*

Sanji: *snorts at the flour hand print, but then promptly frowns when Zoro walks away* Pie crust isn't all that complicated, I figured you could handle it. *tosses the butter on top of the flour and throws in some salt, sugar, and water, before walking over to the table and slamming the bowl down in front of Zoro* *holds a dough cutter in front of his face* Or is it too difficult for you?

Zoro: What're you laughing at, numb nuts. *still sulking, crossing his arms in front of him*

Sanji: *smirks* Your face, idiot. *waggles the dough cutter a bit* You doing this or not?

Zoro: Got a problem with my face?! *slams a hand on the table and stands up threateningly, leering down at Sanji*

Sanji: *rolls eyes* Nooo, of course not. The flour's a nice touch, really. *drags a finger across Zoro's forehead* We could write our phone number up here so people know who to call when they find you after you wander off. *grins*

Zoro: *bats Sanji's finger away from his forehead* Shit. *wipes his face on the apron* I'm not a dog, I don't need my address written on me, asshole. *snatches the dough cutter from him* Drink your goddamn booze already, you're pissing me off!

Sanji: I'm drinking it! Geez, what's your rush? *retrieves his bottle of rum and gathers up the rest of the ingredients he needs and the bowl he was using, then plops down across from Zoro at the table, unloading everything there* *quickly downs another quarter of the bottle to show that he CAN keep up, thank you. sort of*

Zoro: *already finished with his bottle* I hate you less when you're drunk is all. *looks at the dough cutter to the thrown together ingredients in the bowl and back to the dough cutter* ...now what.

Sanji: *scowls* Wow, thanks. I'm the exact same when I'm drunk, asshole! *starts tossing more stuff into his own bowl, then gives Zoro a flat look* Cut it together. So it mixes. Like- *makes a random hand gesture to demonstrate what he's supposed to do*

Zoro: You don't compliment my hair when you're sober. *smirks* Wait, I'm supposed to like...feel it up or some shit? *disgusted look*

Sanji: ... *shifty eyes* Because your hair doesn't deserve complimenting and apparently I was wrong - alcohol makes me stupid. Along with the mucking up my brain bit. *sighs agitatedly* No! You stupid- Ugh. *reaches across and grabs Zoro's hand, moving it the way he's supposed to in the flour mix* Like that!

Zoro: Yeah, well. 'S not like you have much goin for you either. *raises an eyebrow, watching their hands move* How do you k-- *suddenly feeling really awkward he jerks his hand away* Yeah I can do it, dumbass. I'm not retarded. *gets up to get another bottle of booze for himself*

Sanji: *blinks at Zoro's sudden departure, hand hanging in the air for a moment before he let's it drop* You're the one who couldn't figure it out. *realizes Zoro's already getting more booze and he hasn't even finished his first bottle yet, so he quickly downs a few more gulps* *shakes his head a bit to clear it after he does*

Zoro: Want more? *turned around, watching Sanji's head shaking bit and wondering if his cheeks are pink or if he's imagining it...* *already grabbing two bottles before he hears the answer anyways* *returns to his seat and sets to work on the dough careful not to fuck it up this time*

Sanji: *doesn't want another one, no, not at all* ...Yeah, sure. *finishes off his current bottle with a grimace* *watches Zoro's pie cutting skillz* See, it's not hard, marimo. *fans himself slightly, wondering when the kitchen got so warm*

Zoro: You don't hafta watch me, ya know. *concentrating on his masterpiece crust but getting frustrated with it, causing a vein starting to twitch in his forehead* I can drink a lot more than you.

Sanji: Just making sure you're doing it right. *stubbornly opens the new bottle* I know you can. I'm not trying to outdrink you.

Zoro: *tempted to draw a katana and slash the dough to bits* Fuckin... *takes a deep breath and keeps going* Its lumpy. Why is it lumpy. *draws the bottle up to his mouth with his other hand, taking a long drink*

Sanji: *peers into the bowl* It's supposed to be like that. You can stop with the cutter, just start mixing it by hand. Roll it into a ball. *takes a drink from his own bottle, then continues making the pecan filling* *keeps glancing back at Zoro and starts grinning a bit*

Zoro: *takes the cutter out and gets the dough off of it, starts collecting the dough from the bowl, concentrating all of his focus onto it, completely ignoring Sanji* *suddenly jerks up, his hair bristling* Goddamnit. *now staring intently at the bottle of rum in front of him*

Sanji: *blinks* What's wrong? *dumps a crap-ton of pecans into his corn syrup mixture*

Zoro: *grunts and narrows his eyes at the bottle as if it is an enemy and he is facing off with it* Hands are dirty. *half stands, making him tall enough to take the opening of the bottle in his mouth and tilt his head back to empty half the liquid down his throat* *places the bottle back down on the table, careful not to tip it over* Ahh. Much better. *grinning to himself*

Sanji: ... *actually laughs out loud* Haha- what the hell was that? You coulda waited two seconds. *checks Zoro's progress with the dough* Good enough. You can roll it out now. *stands to get a rolling pin, but stumbles slightly* *catches himself and tries to play it off, strolling over to the counter like nothing happened*

Zoro: No I couldnta. *thinks for a second* Is that even a wo- *out of the corner of his eye he sees Sanji stumble* AHAHAHA. Dumbass. You're wasted already aren'tcha. *can't stop smiling for some reason* Need me to carry you again, lightweight?

Sanji: *pouts* *except in a manly way* Not wasted, marimo, shut the hell up! *brandishes the rolling pin* Try carrying me and I'll bash you upside your stupid green head with this! *gets distracted by Zoro's smile before he can move any further*

Sanji: *stares*

Zoro: Stupid. Sit down before you hurt yourself with the rolling thing. *still laughing and smiling, unphased by Sanji's threat* But maybe you could use a good whack in the head with it if you think your brain is fucked up. *drinks more*

Sanji: *blinks and comes back to himself at the mention of his brain* *cringes and mumbles to himself* Definitely fucked up, yeah... *goes back to the table, bopping Zoro on the head with the rolling pin before sitting down* All yours, marimo.

Zoro: What if its just...er. *scowls a little and takes the rolling pin from him, putting the ball of dough down* 'm supposed to make it a circle?

Sanji: Just what? *picks up his bottle and swishes the liquid inside around* Or a square, if you prefer. *deadpans*

Zoro: *ignores the first question* Why the hell would I want a square pie. *drinks, almost done with his second bottle*

Sanji: *nowhere near done with his* *raises an eyebrow at Zoro* ...I was kidding- YES, a circle, dumbass!

Zoro: ...oh *starts rolling, awkward silence*

Sanji: *watches really intently, since the filling's done already*

Zoro: *senses Sanji's eyes on him* Stop fucking watching me. *rolls with more agitation and force, making it thin like a piece of paper*

Sanji: I'll watch if I want to- OI! Enough! Any thinner and there won't be anything there! *snatches the rolling pin before Zoro can kill the pie crust any further* Geez.

Zoro: Fine, you do it. *goes back to his bottle of booze, sulking* Did you even turn the oven on?

Sanji: ...Shit. *pauses* There's still time. Gotta put the dough in the pie dish still. *starts to stand up, then decides against it when his vision starts spinning* Actually, you do that. Put it at 350.

Zoro: Put it in yourself, cook. *stands up fine, but with a slight groan and turns on the oven* Easiest thing you've asked me to do yet. *slumps back down at the table on the same side as Sanji because it was closer*

Sanji: *tenses at Zoro's sudden closeness, then forces himself to relax* I was going to, idiot. That part requires delicacy, so no way you could do it. *pulls the pie dish in front of him and sets about arranging the dough in it*

Zoro: I can be delicate if I wanna. *folds his arms on the table and lies his head on them, looking over at Sanji's hands working* You're so fucking weird, you know.

Sanji: *bristles, shooting Zoro a glare* How the fuck am I weird?! *shoves the pie dish at him* Put that in the oven.

Zoro: Just are, stupid. *takes the pie dish in one hand and moves to go to the oven, brushing his close hand against Sanji's hair, remembering its softness from earlier* *hopes Sanji doesn't notice the touch or thinks it was an accident* *tosses the dish in the oven*

Sanji: *NOTICES* *barely* *twitches a bit and scowls at Zoro, not really knowing what just happened but feeling weird all the same* *busies himself with drinking more booze* That's not an answer, shithead. *turns around on the bench so he's facing Zoro when he comes back*

Zoro: *ignores questions AGAIN* *gives him a look like WTF is wrong with you and sits down again next to him to drink his booze* Now what.

Sanji: *narrows his eyes, putting his hands down in the space on the bench between them so he can lean forward a bit* Answer me!

Zoro: *leans back away from him with a disgusted look* Why the hell should I?! It should be fuckin obvious, shouldn't it?!

Sanji: Would I be asking you if it was?! Shit. *frowns and sits back, pulling the bowl with the pecan filling in it towards him and grabbing the spoon he used to stir it* I didn't know you liked pecan pie. Have I even made this for the crew before? *shoves the spoon into his mouth, tasting the mixture*

Zoro: Yeah, you would, just to be an annoying shit head. *jabs Sanji's side like he was doing earlier* ...it was just the first thing I thought of. *drinks a few more gulps, feeling a little more relaxed from the booze* 'S it good? *leans forward towards Sanji to peer into the bowl*

Sanji: *slaps Zoro’s hand away and rolls his eyes* The only time I was annoying with the questions was when I was trying to figure out if you liked guys or not. *gives Zoro a sidelong glance* 'Course since you kept refusing to answer, it shoulda been obvious. *dips the spoon into the mixture again, which he normally wouldn't ever do, but it's just Zoro so who cares* Of course it's good, marimo. Try it.

Zoro: My answer wasn't THAT obvious. *slight pout* Still don't see why the hell you care so much about it. *takes the spoon from him and tastes it* Its fine. *still pouting for no real reason but to be stubborn and piss off Sanji*

Sanji: It was bugging me, I just wanted to know! *stares at Zoro incredulously* It's fine?

Zoro: Well I didn't...know. I mean what the hell does it matter, thats not a part of being the best swordsman in the world so why should I think about it. *shoves the bottle of rum in Sanji's face* Drink.

Sanji: You're nineteen, why wouldn't you think about it. *takes the bottle a bit reluctantly, staring at the label* I think about it all the time. 'specially lately. *takes a huge gulp of the booze*

Zoro: Got better things to think about. Like training. *takes the bottle back and drinks* Perverted cook. *smiling a little crooked smirk* Oi. How long is that supposed to be in there? *gestures towards the oven*

Sanji: *can't stop staring at the smirk and starts feeling warm all over again* *tugs at his tie to loosen it* Another minute or so. It's just the crust. *puts his head down on the table and crosses his arms over it* You can check it. If it's golden brown then it's done.

Zoro: *seeing the cook fiddle with his tie makes him realize he's feeling a little warm himself, which he considers odd for how much booze he hasn't had yet* *shrugs the feeling away and takes his shirt off, tossing it to the other bench and going to check on the crust* Looks good to me. I think. *opens the oven and pulls the rack out for Sanji to see*

Sanji: *looks up and inwardly curses at Zoro's newly undressed state, shifting his eyes away immediately* Asshole, put your shirt back on! *grabs a bottle of booze, not knowing which one is his anymore, just to have something to distract himself with* *remembers Zoro's still waiting for an answer and carefully doesn't look at him at all when glancing back at the pie* ...Yeah, looks fine. Bring it over here.

Zoro: Its fuckin hot in here, dumbass! The ovens on! *brings it over using an oven mitt, closing the oven with his foot* *plops it down in front of Sanji* Are you shit faced already? You look kinda messed up. *leans in to look at Sanji's face*

Sanji: *rears back so quickly he nearly falls off the bench, but catches himself before that happens* I'm FINE, marimo. I'm not drunk. My head's just being stupid again. *drags a hand through his hair* Okay, so it's not just me, it actually is hot in here. Right. Good. *looks blankly at the pie crust*

Zoro: *figures its okay to take the apron off now too and does so* *sits across from Sanji* ...stupid about what. You're always a giant idiot. And if you're hot, take your shirt off. Don't whine about it like a girl.

Sanji: Don't need to take my shirt off. I said I was fine, didn't I?! Shit. *ignores his question and grabs the bowl with the pecan filling so he can dump it on top of the crust*

Zoro: Fine, sit there and get sweaty and pull at your stupid tie. *nudges the booze towards Sanji trying to be inconspicuous* *looks extra bored by resting his head on his hand* Thought you said this wasn't gonna take long.

Sanji: It's not. It just has to cook now. You can wait a little longer, marimo. *gets up to put the pie in the oven himself, wavering just a bit* *goes back to the table and leans unsteadily against it, yanking his tie all the way off and then reaching for the booze* It'll be 45 minutes.

Zoro: 45 minutes?! Shit. *lies down on the bench with his hands behind his head* Wake me up when its done wouldja? *looking up at Sanji with only one eye open*

Sanji: Oi! *stomps over to Zoro's side, slamming his foot onto the bench beside Zoro's head and leaning down to glare at him, bottle still in hand* No sleeping, shithead!

Zoro: *grumbles in annoyance* *reaches up and grabs a fist full of Sanji's shirt, yanking him down closer* I'll sleep if I want to, and no annoying ass cook is gonna stop me. *shoves him backwards*

Sanji: *eyes go wide when he's pulled closer, then stumbles and scowls when he's pushed away, glaring some more as he steadies himself* *takes a swig of the booze and calmly sets the bottle down on the table, then promptly kicks at the bottom of the bench, toppling Zoro onto the floor*

Zoro: Oi!! *gets to his feet quickly* What the fuck was that for?! *stalks up to Sanji, grabbing him by his shirt again, trying to be all threatening and in Sanji's face*

Sanji: *leans back and reaches for the counter behind him, bringing both knees up and planting his feet on Zoro's chest to shove him away* Just a wake-up call. *smirks*

Zoro: *jerked back against the edge of the table* *eyeing Sanji's smirk* Alright, alright, I'm up. *picks up one of the bottles and empties the rest into his mouth* But your face is really pissing me the hell off right now. Its ruining my good mood.

Sanji: *grins wider just to piss him off more* Is it? So sorry. *grabs the other bottle off the table again, then sits down on the edge of it* So what makes you think you like guys more than girls? *keeps his eyes on the bottle*

Zoro: I'm not answering your stupid questions after that little temper tantrum of yours. *tugging on his haramaki to pull it a bit lower, showing more of his abs* Fuck, its so hot in here. How can you stand this all day long.

Sanji: *looks up with a frown, but his eyes don't get any further than Zoro's stomach* Just used to it, I guess. And I don't stay in here ALL day. *swallows, then suddenly feeling really thirsty, takes a few gulps of rum* You might as well answer me, asshole, we have to pass the time somehow.

Zoro: Oi. We need more. *waves the other empty bottle in the cook's face, blatantly ignoring his inquiry*

Sanji: *huffs and rolls his eyes, pointing toward the sink* There should be another bottle. If not- *glances at the wine rack* I guess we can open one of those...

Zoro: *prods Sanji with the bottle* I got your other ones. I'll answer the question if you get it.

Sanji: Will you actually? *knocks Zoro's bottle away with his own*

Zoro: *scratches the back of his neck* I guess. Not sure if I know the answer even. *looks at the floor*

Sanji: ...Hm. *shoves his bottle at Zoro* Take that one. *gets up to get the last bottle from under the sink*

Zoro: This ones barely got nothin in it! Cheating asshole. *drinks a gulp anyways*

Sanji: I'm getting the other one, aren't I?! Shit. *brings it back and holds it out for Zoro, looking at him expectantly*

Zoro: *looks at the bottle and back up at Sanji* ...what're you gonna drink?

Sanji: *shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets and pulling out a cigarette* Taking a break. *lights up*

Zoro: Suit yourself. *finishes Sanji's bottle and opens up the new one* *not answering the question and just stops talking, hoping Sanji forgot about it*

Sanji: *doesn't forget obviously* *takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly and watching the smoke curl towards the ceiling* So?

Zoro: *bristles, hearing Sanji obviously remembered* Dammit. *scratching the back of his neck again* Girls are just... *aggravated sigh* Fuck. I don't know, alright?! Guys just...get other guys. *puts the bottle down next to Sanji* At least...I figure they do.

Sanji: *chews on his cigarette slightly, trying to figure this reasoning out* *peers at Zoro* But. Are you actually attracted to them? Or do you just like them better?

Zoro: Same difference. *doesn't look at Sanji, but pushes the bottle towards him, silently offering to share*

Sanji: But girls are so much more- *cuts himself off, shaking his head* Whatever. *eyes the bottle* Is there a reason you want me to get smashed of my ass?

Zoro: No. Why're you...changing your mind after nineteen years of chasing boobs? *glances at the chef*

Sanji: *snaps* I'm not changing my mind! *stubs out his cigarette and snags the booze* Just...noticing things more. I still like women. *drinks*

Zoro: Noticing what. Shit's been there the whole time. *sniffs the air, smelling the pie baking* Maybe youre not...mucked up. Or whatever the hell you said. Maybe your brain is doing the opposite of getting mucked up. *Scratch, scratch*

Sanji: But it's not like I paid attention to it before! *gestures angrily in the general direction of Zoro's chest with the hand still holding the bottle, like that's supposed to explain everything* The opposite? *narrows his eyes* What do you mean?

Zoro: *distracted by Sanji's gesture, looks down at his chest* 's there something on me or somethin?! Probably from your stupid shoes. Shitty cook. Don't put your shoes on my goddamn chest. Get it the fuck off me!! It'd better not be a wad of Luffy snot or somethin! *grabs the discarded apron and rubs his chest with it*

Sanji: ... *gives Zoro a flat look, grimaces, then facepalms* You are such an idiot, marimo. Geez. *looks up to see Zoro still rubbing his chest* Oi, stop it already, there's nothing there!

Zoro: Oh. *throws the apron to the floor* Then what were you-- whatever. What I'm sayin is. Maybe your brain isn't getting "mucked up" but getting clearer? Hell if I know. *takes a drink, not really knowing what he’s saying*

Zoro: No one could understand a brain stupid as yours is anyways. *offers him the bottle back*

Sanji: *takes it, drinking more* I don't understand my own brain at this point, so I don't expect anyone else to. But it can't be getting clearer. *sulks slightly* *glances at Zoro* ...Your chest is all red now.

Zoro: *looks down at his chest and then back up at Sanji, finally putting two and two together* So. Wait. You like my chest or somethin?

Sanji: .........................

Sanji: *stands up abruptly and goes to the oven to check on the pie* ...Should be done soon. *coughs*

Zoro: *grabs Sanji's wrist but lets it go immediately, cursing himself for letting himself react like that* Its hard not to notice. I guess. *averting his eyes to a remote corner of the galley*

Sanji: *yanks his arm back like he was burned, eyes landing on Zoro then quickly darting away* Well I mean. Shit. You spend 90% of your life working out and then you're always strutting around shirtless and- it's really freaking annoying, you know?!

Zoro: I don't fucking strut, girls do that. And its not like you're any better walking around here with your stupid blond hair and good cooking... *trailing off, but snaps back to his right mind in an instant* Your existance annoys the hell out of me! *crosses his arms over his chest defensively*

Sanji: Your stupid green hair is worse! And-- *shuts up when the cooking comment catches up with him* ... *blinks* *feels his face go warm and starts cursing under his breath* Shit, I hate you for making me think these things! Everything was FINE until you came along, asshole! *barely refrains from stamping his foot like a three-year-old and instead snags the booze again and starts gulping it down*

Zoro: Would you shut up? You're acting like its the end of the goddamn world. *tugs on his haramaki more* Its probably nothing. We're getting somewhere tomorrow so just find a brothel and you'll forget whatever it is you're bitching about. *gets up to look at the pie too since Sanji didn't say anything about its status*

Sanji: It might as well be! *takes two steps back when Zoro comes closer, just to keep some distance between them* I don't want to go to a brothel. I've never actually BEEN to a brothel before. *glowers, holding onto the booze like it's his only lifeline*

Zoro: *finally snaps* WHY THE HELL DID YOU MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT IF YOUVE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO ONE?!?!?! *seething, hands in tight fists*

Sanji: *shifty eyes* Just because I haven't been to one doesn't mean I don't know what happens there. And you've never had sex! IT WAS AN EASY SOLUTION. *taps his foot against the ground, ready to send a kick flying if Zoro attacks him or something*

Zoro: *steam is probably coming out of his ears or something* Next time you give me shit about something you at least need some fucking experience to back it up with. *punches a fist onto the counter instead of punching Sanji* Son of a bitch. *whips around and goes back to his seat on the bench to grumble under his breath*

Sanji: I have experience! Just not THAT kind! *glares after Zoro, following him over to the table* What the hell are you so pissed about?!

Zoro: Where's my pie. *says flatly*

Sanji: …Unless it grew legs and walked away, it's still in the goddamn oven.

Zoro: I mean is it done, dumbass. And where'd you put the bottle.

Sanji: It's got about five more minutes, shithead. *waves the bottle in front of Zoro's face instead of answering, then takes another gulp* *might be starting to feel a bit dizzy*

Zoro: *snatches the bottle and drinks, pumping up his self confidence in the process* So why is it the end of the world.

Sanji: *blinks at his now empty hand, then pouts* Because I don't want to like yo--

Sanji: ...guys.

Sanji: I don't want to like guys. *looks away*

Zoro: So don't. You've done fine till now. What the hells the big deal. *pretty oblivious, handing the bottle back to Sanji*

Sanji: *scowls* Like it's that easy. *takes another drink and sways slightly, reaching for something to steady himself against* *finds his hand landing on Zoro's shoulder*

Zoro: *glares at the offending hand* Shit. *feels a knot in his stomach, suddenly feeling a little lightheaded himself* Wait. *goes wide-eyed, realizing what he's feeling* Fuck! *pushes his hand off of him* No way. You've gotta be kidding me... *gets up and paces around the room a bit, hoping to get his better senses back, ignoring Sanji's drunken state for now*

Sanji: *falls heavily onto the seat Zoro just vacated, watching him pace around the room* *starts snickering for some reason, unable to help himself* You look like an angry cat, marimo. *grins at this* An angry GREEN cat, haaahahaha. *slugs back some more booze, still grinning*

Zoro: *whirls around and stalks back to the table* And you look like a drunken dartboard faced idiot. *takes the bottle from him* Thought you liked green. *smirks*

Sanji: *grin widens* I do. *pauses* Wait, I mean I don't. I - shit. *blinks several times* Er... Pie! *tries to distract Zoro* It should be done!

Zoro: Oi. Don't try to change the subject. *pulls on Sanji's arm* Sit up ya damn feather weight.

Sanji: M'not. *yanks his arm away* It really should be done. *grabs Zoro's wrist instead to haul himself off the bench, ending up way too close to him once he's finally standing*

Zoro: Sit down. I'll do your goddamn dirty work. *pushes him gently back against the bench, and pulling his wrist away to go take care of the pie* Where should I put it.

Sanji: ... *glowers at Zoro's back, then plops down onto the bench again* Bring it over here. And get forks.

Zoro: *brings them and sets the pie down on the table* Yes princess shitface. *grumble, grumble* Oi. Need to be propped up over there?

Sanji: No. *slumps across the table, resting his cheek on his hand* And don't call me that, asshole. *holds out his free hand* Fork.

Zoro: *sighs grudgingly and sits next to Sanji* Sit up an’ lean against me, dumbass. Otherwise you won't get any in your big mouth. *places the fork in front of him on the table*

Sanji: *sits up rather quickly and does what Zoro says, leaning heavily against his side* *reaches for the fork and then pushes what's left of the booze toward Zoro* You can have the rest.

Zoro: *grunts, gladly drinking the rest in one swig* *watches Sanji out of the corner of his eye with the fork, waiting for him to take a bite first*

Sanji: *digs his fork into the pie and then shoves it into his mouth* *looks contemplative for a moment, then nods* The crust turned out well.

Zoro: *pushes the empty bottle away and looks down at Sanji* ...shit. *hates himself for thinking about doing something very, very stupid* *quickly grabs his fork and digs in too to distract himself*

Sanji: Hm? *glances up at Zoro around a forkful of more pie*

Zoro: *just grunts in response, chewing his bite and swallowing* ...how do you make shit taste like that. *looks down at him, feeling his stomach knot up again*

Sanji: *doesn't even hear the question, as his mind sort of went blank when Zoro turned to look at him* *blinks, breath hitching, and sits back so they're not touching anymore* *but keeps staring, fork still in his mouth*

Zoro: Hey. *trying to get him to snap out of it, but really protesting Sanji moving away* You gonna chew that? *raises an eyebrow* No way am I giving you mouth to mouth if you choke on that.

Sanji: *makes a strangled sound at the 'mouth to mouth' bit, and finally pulls the fork away* I - sorry. You said something? *looks back at the pie, but that's boring so his eyes find Zoro's again* *starts a running montage of cursing in his head when his gaze keeps trying to drop to Zoro's chest*

Zoro: *looks back at Sanji, feeling his body seemingly being pulled in, his face inching closer* *shakes his head out of his daze, pulling back quickly* Nevermind. Its nothing. I think I'm...a little buzzed. *quickly shoves more pie in his mouth*

Sanji: ... *laughs nervously, feeling both relieved and disappointed that Zoro pulled away, and even weirder still for being disappointed in the first place* Shit, I'm more than buzzed. M’well and truly fucked.

Zoro: Lets talk about how much you like my green hair and my chest again. *grins idiotically, happy because he has booze and pie, what could be better*

Sanji: *stomps on Zoro's foot, ignoring his sudden burning cheeks* Shut up, marimo! *grabs another bite of pie, then raises his free hand to Zoro's head, pushing his fingers through his hair* I'll take my knives to this shitty mess if you piss me off anymore tonight.

Zoro: Bastard. *unwedges his foot from under Sanji's* Don't make me kick your scrawny ass back to the East B... *trailing off* *leans his head into the hand, letting himself be coaxed closer again* How's this for pissing you off? *he says low and growling right into Sanji's ear, before he can stop himself*

Sanji: *can’t help shivering slightly* ...failing miserably, actually-- *jerks his head around and bumps noses with Zoro* *sucks in a breath, eyes going wide, hand tightening in Zoro’s hair*

Zoro: *growls at feeling the hand pulling on his hair* Fuck. *lets his better senses take over again, forcing his hand to move to Sanji's chest, pushing him away with probably more force than was necessary, considering Sanji's drunken state* Get the hell away from me, damn love cook. I ain't a girl. Even if you like some things, you still piss me the hell off, and I piss you off. *gets up and starts pacing the end of the room again*

Sanji: *falls back, barely managing to get a hand behind him in time to catch himself* ...Right. Right. *blinks, looking around somewhat wildly, feeling more dizzy and confused than ever* Shit. Fuck, I need a cigarette. *rolls off the bench, dragging himself into a standing position* And sleep. Sleep would be good. Goddammit.

Zoro: Yeah. Right. Sleep. *watching Sanji making sure he doesn't need help getting up* I'll go...take over for whoever is on night watch. 'm not tired. *picks up what is left of the pie and his fork to go* You...gonna make it alright?

Sanji: M'fine. Stay over there. *stumbles along to the door, digging in his pockets for his lighter* *pauses when he gets there, hand resting on the doorframe, unlit cigarette in his mouth, and looks back at Zoro*

Zoro: Shit don't look at me like that. *scratches his head* You look fuckin pathetic.

Sanji: *instantly scowls* Look better'n you any day.

Zoro: *charges over to where Sanji is at the door and shoves him up against the door frame* Mind sayin that again, asshole?

Sanji: *wasn't expecting that and bangs the back of his head off the wood, cigarette falling* Ow, motherfu- Get the fuck off me, shithead!

Zoro: You really are askin for it. *forces one of his legs between Sanji's helping to pin him against the frame* *surges his head forward, making their lips brush together briefly* Shithead. *forgets about the rest of the pie as it falls out of his hand and plants his lips onto Sanji's forcefully, tasting a bit of pecan there* *uses his now freed hand to press against Sanji's belly*

Sanji: *mouth falls open slightly beneath Zoro's, more out of shock than anything else, eyes going impossibly wide* *brings his hands up automatically, fingers twisting in the material of Zoro's haramaki in an attempt to push him away that totally fails and mostly just ends up with him clinging to him instead*

Zoro: *pulls his face away a little to survey his prey, still pinning him* *feeling a little lightheaded and out of breath* Fuck. What did you do to me... *stomach muscles tighten involuntarily against Sanji's pawing at the haramaki*

Sanji: *snaps back to himself when Zoro starts speaking, eyes narrowing on his face before taking in the position they're in and the fact that Zoro still has a leg between his and remembering what just happened and shit, Zoro's mouth is still right there and--* ...Nngh. *shoves Zoro back against the opposite doorframe, then promptly swings his leg around and catches him in the side, kicking him as hard as he can in the direction of the table and probably splintering some of the wooden frame as well* What - what the HELL?!

Zoro: *manages to break some of the kick using his arm as a shield, but still takes the brunt of it, causing him to land across the table with a loud crack, wood breaking underneath him* Aw fuck! What the hell was that for?! *curses himself for remembering and reliving the answer* *groans and grunts, pushing himself up from the broken table, realizing how much force Sanji actually put into that kick because his arm, he thinks, will definitely be at least black and blue in the morning, if not worse*

Sanji: You- I can't believe you just- *balls his hands up into fists, dragging the back of one across his mouth like that'll erase what just happened* Shit. *takes a shaky breath, then spots the remains of the pie and the dish it was in at his feet and curses again* Shit.

Zoro: ...it was your fault. *scratching the back of his head and not knowing what else to say* Just go smoke your damn cigarette.

Sanji: My fau-- Fuck you, Zoro! You're the one who- *cuts himself off, jaw snapping shut, and looks angrily off to the side* *feels a huge headache coming on and wants to just storm out, but the thought of leaving his kitchen in the state it's in makes him feel queasy* *or possibly that's just the alcohol* ...You gotta clean this shit up.

Zoro: Fine. *doesn't move an inch*

Sanji: ... *furrows his brow, looking back at Zoro, then scowls* The pie's probably still good.

Zoro: Course it is, asshole... *finishes in his head 'cause you made it'* Wasn't that great anyways. The crust was shit. Aren't you goin to bed or somethin?

Sanji: I'm saying you better fucking eat the rest of it, dumbass. *takes one more look around the kitchen and cringes, then spins on his heel to leave* Yeah, yeah, I'm going.

Zoro: Good. Maybe if I'm lucky you'll die in your sleep. *grumbles and gets up, going to clean up the wasted pie* Hope you sleep like shit... *mumbling under his breath*

Sanji: *hears him and pauses, but then just grits his teeth and keeps walking* Yeah, whatever. *heads straight for the railing of the ship and lights up a cigarette as he goes, inhaling the nicotine gratefully, then just stands there clutching the rail until his knuckles start to turn white* ...Shitty fucking stupid asshole marimo.


END!